Remembering can be painful, but sometimes not being able to can hurt too

My mom had a total of 4 children, I am the youngest. One child, the second died as a stillborn. The oldest child (who was at least 15 years older than me, yeah my mom is old), died when i was around 3 or 4. This just leaves my sister (who is 3 years older than me) and myself.

I have the fewest memories of my eldest sister. My mom said I didn't even really know what was going on. The only thing about the funeral I remember is my mom falling down. The only thing about my sister that I actually remember is that she owned a deck of cards that were green with a gold outline on them.

People say that remembering someone who died is painful. No doubt about it, it hurts because the more time you have with them, the more you miss them.

But what annoys me is when people assume that because you don't remember much about the person, you are not going through any pain.

The tv show Full House often showed this. The character Michelle was only a baby when their mom was killed, it was pretty hard for her as she got older for 2 reasons:

1. she had no mom like all the other girls in her school
2. she has no memories of her mom.

Yes, having no memories can be bad too. Its painful sometimes not being able to remember much about a loved one because of your age. It hurts that people assume you wouldn't be suffering because you don't have much memories thus not much of a connection with the person.

But we deal with a different kind of pain. We have to deal with the fact that we didn't get to know them. Its painful when others can talk about their memories of someone and you have nothing.

You see, a little child who was too young to understand death then, ends up grieving later on in life. They too have to come to terms.

So never assume that because someone is small or little that they can't possibly be in pain for not having much memories or time with the person to form much of an attachment.

If disaster struck, who do you save the rich or the poor?

So I am watching Titanic, and it made me think about the idea that somehow rich peoples lives were more of value than the poor. Republican politicians and libertarian politicians sickingly actually believe this to be true.

God help us.

Why do you think I consider conservatives to be modern day Pharisees? They are greedy.

But to answer the question, I would say its best to save the poor. One person said you just save as many souls as you can save, with no bias to race, gender, age, finances and etc.

Hurricane Katrina showed us that we still value lives based on race and finances as the blacks who were the poorest were not being rescued on time.

In my opinion though, I would rather save a poor person who was generous, than a greedy rich person.

If the world were to end and only a few would live, I would rather the survivors be those who have everyday working skills rather than rich people who don't know how to work like the poor do.

One conservative in an article said that poor peoples lives were expendable, doling out the usual misconceptions about what it means to be poor. He pretty much said there was no value to their lives.

Now if a conservative Christian actually believes this kind of garbage he spouted, you have officially proven that you do not believe in God nor actually live by God.

You see, if they had it their way, and the poor were all gone, that would make the rich the new poor class. You need a poor class to create a rich class. If the poor didn't exist, who would do your work for you?

Rich people are not America, they do not run America. They need and depend on poor people to keep them rich.

Women and Children first

Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days of men being honorable. I liked the fact on the Titanic, it was women and children first.

I get disgusted by a man who puts himself before a woman.

Now of course I disagree with Titanic's murdering of the poor by locking them and thus trapping them.

Lack of women and children first only shows how selfish society has become in the last few years.

If the Earth is going to end, it needs to end SOON.

Also women should not be allowed to fight in combat nor should she be drafted. War is for men, NOT women!

I could never respect nor date or love a man that believes in killing women and letting them be tortured simply because they women wanted the right to be able to hold jobs and get the same pay for it.

I am very traditional, and only a little bit of an independent woman. I do not like all that feminazi crap, and I can't stand sexist women haters who believe in punishing women by making them take on men's roles all because they wanted equal pay and the ability to have jobs.

Also, children need their moms much more than their fathers. When a divorce happens, I agree, the child should automatically go to the mom. Who gives a crap what the dad wants?

In the end women went through centuries of hell all because of men, now men need to learn how to deal with it. They have been boasting how strong they are for so long...PROVE IT!

Why do people vote for people they abandon when they lose?

Case in point: John McCain and George Bush.

Towards the end Bush's 8 years, even Republicans kept saying enough is enough. Some hated him so much they called him a liberal.

When McCain came along, they were gung-ho! But when he started to lose and the Palin campaign came along to make him look bad, all of a sudden they were saying that McCain was a liberal, and he isn't a true Republican.

So I ask, why do people abandon someone simply when they are no loner winning, when before they were so gung-ho?

The answer is that they simply were voting for the what they thought was the "lesser of two evils". Now obviously Obama is the lesser of two evils (Palin is the devil's wife) but that is where the problem with politics lies.

People keep voting democrat and republican even when they say how they hate it. Don't blame the government when you are not willing to vote who you want in the first place.

It makes you and your party look very bad when you parade around someone and then when they lose you start bad mouthing them. I don't want someone in the Presidency for the wrong reasons. If your badmouthing shows how you really feel, then do yourself a favor and start voting for the one you would still defend even AFTER losing!

A Depressing Truth: For Every Happy person there is an Unhappy person

As hard as it is for happy people to believe, for every happy person there is, someone else is upset.

The cold truth is, one can't possibly be happy without someone else being unhappy. In fact one's happiness comes from the fact that the other person did not get a happy result.

Say you got a new digital camera. You are obviously happy you got it. But that means someone else did not get it, and therefore they are not unhappy.

Sure your argument would be "well they could always go to another store", but somebody..someone, out there will not being getting a camera.

Or how about when you get good grades but your friend does not?

The reality is that someone else has to be unhappy for you to be happy. You may not have to see it for yourself, or even know the person (but usually you do).

I like to call this phenomenon forced sacrificing because one is having to sacrifice their happiness for someone else, but its being forced.

A good example of this can be love. When you like a guy, but he goes for someone else, you are sacrificing forcibly your chance to have him. You have no choice but to give up your happiness which means the girl that gets your crush will be happy as will your crush.

The sucky thing about forced sacrificing is obviously that its forced. Essentially every time you are unhappy its out of force and someone else is enjoying the happiness that should belong to you.

At least admit you celebrate the consumer holiday

Even though Christmas is over, I can't help but say it annoys me when conservative Christians criticize everyone for celebrating Christmas in its consumer holiday aspect.

Why does this annoy me? Because they are doing it too!!! Cons think that going to church on Christmas or Christmas Eve, makes the difference in celebrating Christmas as a consumer holiday or as a religious holiday.

In the end, Christians still do presents, decorations, and many other Christmas consumer traditions. So they are just as guilty. True Christians do not celebrate Jesus' birthday by getting something or putting up things that have no relation to his birth.

There is nothing wrong with celebrating the consumer holiday, but admit to it rather than dress it up as a Christian thing and then chastise others for celebrating it in its consumer form.

This goes for all holidays.

The person who knows how to sew has it the best

I wish I could sew, as time consuming as it would be, the benefit to knowing how to sew means you can wear whatever you want in a way you would want it. You would be following your own rules.

Its hard to find 1950s style clothing out there, and there aren't many vintage type clothing stores to go t0.

If you knew how to sew, then you could make your own 1950s clothing, and best of all, you could choose your own fabric....

I wish I knew how to sew : (

Why the Bible should not be used politically

If you read my last post then you know I am strongly anti-conservative Christianity and am more pro-progressive Christianity.

The problem with the Bible is that if you look hard enough you can find any verse to support your argument.

People used it to support slavery, racism, sexism, and so much more.

People also used the bible to support abolitionism, interracial marriage, and much more.

How can this be? Well the Old and New testaments contradict each other. When Jesus died for our sins, the Old Test soon became invalid.

Because one could twist the Bible in their favor, the Bible should only be used to control one's own personal life and not control society itself. Everyone has their own interpretation of the Bible that is why you have so many rifts in the Christian movement....so who is right and who is wrong? That is why people should worry about their own relationship with the Lord rather than shove it down someone else's throat.

The Bible has no place in politics. I follow the progressive ideology that the Bible should be personal not political.

Why Conservatives are NOT true Christians

Conservative Christian is an oxymoron.

Conservatives are hateful, racist, sexist, ignorant, and just pure evil. They "God" they praise is Satan, not Jesus, not the Lord, not the real God.

Conservative Christians are those who have sold their souls to the devil, and use the Bible blasphemously.

They are hypocrites, two hour Christians.

The truth is, you can't even call these devil worshipers Christians.

I'd rather die a liberal Christian (those who are TRUE Christians) than ever sell my soul to the devil by becoming a conservative "Christian".

Liberal Christians emphasize a personal relationship with the Lord while conservative christians just want to stuff hatred down everyones throats and call it the Lord's teachings.

I do not trust conservatives one bit, they are evil people, and I am dead serious, I haven't met a good person yet who was conservative...its pretty much an oxymoron. Conservatives are against human rights, they are the white supremacist party that has a few token minorities so they can claim they aren't racist when they really are.

I was reading a Bible verse a little while ago that talked about how the Pharisees did not help the poor were very superficial and etc, and I couldn't help but liken the Pharisees to conservatives, I even wrote that in my Bible that conservatives are modern day Pharisees.

I am extremely and strongly anti-republican.

I am proud of the fact that I am not selling my soul to the Devil and am more of a Christian than some evil conservative will ever be!

The weird thing about my morals

I am against premarital sex, I am anti-smoking (very very anti-smoking), I am also a Prohibitionist aka a teetotaler aka anti-alcohol.

But even though I have these morals now and the decision not to do any of them, I am starting to think that when I was younger, in middle school and high school, were not so much morals but forced circumstances.

When you are not presented the opportunity to do something like drinking, its easy to be anti-drinking or smoking. Why? Because you are not being influenced.

We all know the teen years are most critical. Had I been social instead of anti-social in high school it is very well possible that my views would be completely different than they are now.

Yes, now at age 20, I KNOW that I want to be anti-smoking and anti-drinking. But at age 15 I think I would have been vulnerable enough to drink had I been encouraged or social enough and attended parties.

I have always kind of had a disdain for smoking, I could never stand the smell, but even I went through a period where I thought it looked cool.

I have tasted alcohol on two occasions before. Wine and beer. When I tried the beer I actually ran to get a cup of soda to get the horrible taste of beer out of my mouth. It was then at age 17, that I realized that I wasn't missing out at all and that I wanted no part of the alcohol craze everyone seems to have.

But I still can't help but think, had the influence to smoke or drink been there at the more impressionable ages of my life, would my view of such things be different than they are now?

Do you think our morals only become morals because we adapt to forced circumstances? Only is it later on do we find reasons to be anti-smoking or anti-alcohol.

Why I believe suicide is okay

I don't believe in psychiatry and all that mumbo jumbo. Psychiatrists and psychologists never listen to you.

The people who are against suicide irritate me. They are only against it because they would have to deal with the mess left behind. They would have to deal with the demons they hide away when the person was living. What I mean is that those who are against suicide are never there for you when you are living, but expect you to not kill yourself, not for your sake but for theirs.

Why else would they call someone suicidal selfish? But the reality is that those who are making them live for the sake of others are the ones who are really selfish. You want them to be miserable when they don't have to be.

I think its selfish to be against suicide and to expect people you know who have suicidal feelings to just deal with it and get over it. Most people who are against suicidal are usually a part of the problem of WHY people KILL themselves in the first place!!!!

People certainly don't like dealing with the aftermath of a suicide, because they know they were partly to blame for it happening...so why weren't you there when they were still alive? The thing is most people don't walk the walk they just talk the talk. They don't want to get their hands dirty by having to commit to helping someone and actually being there for them. They don't want that kind of a burden. They expect the suicidal person to deal with their misery on their own, and call them selfish for not thinking of others when they attempt to end their life. But the irony is that you were too selfish to help them and helped pushed them to the point of suicide!

The suicidal person is the last person being selfish. If you don't fucking want to feel guilty for their death, why not actually doing something proactive such as helping them out????

And when I say help them, I mean be there for them, not call the police and get them sent to a ward because you are too lazy to be there for them yourself.

I am a full supporter of suicide. I think its one's own right to take their life. As long as they don't take other peoples lives with them. I don't believe in making someone's life even worse by making them live for nothing.

Curiosity does kill the cat

Remember whatever your curious about, will end badly when you find the answer.

Curiosity rarely ever ends well.

Lost in Space...its a reality

The future of space is gloomy...budget cuts are affecting the direction NASA wants to take space travel. NASA hopes to not only one day go to the mars, but to return to the moon.

They have even made a model of the future space craft which is supposed to be a cross between the Apollo and the Shuttle. Its got a shape like the Apollo, but it can fit 4 to 6 people, and it may even possibly be reusable like the shuttle, plus it can land on both land and water. If all were to go as planned, it would debut around 2015.

Now here is the problem...America is not enthusiastic at all. The government is constantly making budget cuts (Challenger and Columbia both in part happened because of financial issues going on).

But we are in the age of skepticism and pessimism. We are overly critical and looking for the worst in everything. As a society we are too ignorant and unwilling to listen to new ideas.

America itself is just lost in space. People don't view space the way they did 40 years ago. Nowadays people just moan and groan about the uselessness of space. While people like me vie for the nostalgic days of space (space travel was the only thing to come out of the 1960s that was actually a positive and exciting thing that brought everyone together to watch at home).

America lost its gumption...some say it happened because NASA got too routine in space travel. Nobody cares for repeats. But history shows that when you start to see space travel as "routine" Apollo 13 (almost disaster), Challenger and Columbia happen.

Its sad really. Its sad that a bunch of skeptic anti-space travel people are capable of preventing us from going to Mars.

So far the first decade of America will be known for being bitter, ignorant, hateful and too skeptical.

When will America return to innocence, rather than trying to depress children early on with politics and the never ever happy news?

Understanding depression

Everyone has their bouts with depression, but most quickly come out of it. But people like myself have a particularly different case with depression.

Depression is a medical condition. Yet most people do not realize this. They assume we choose our feelings. They think its as easy as saying "yes I can" or "i am beautiful".

Its like schizophrenia in the sense that usually something in the environment has to trigger the condition and set it off.

The problem with medications is that if they work, you run the risk of dependency on them. Not necessarily addictions, but the problem of "what if I can no longer afford them?" Sometimes medication working can make things worse. If you could no longer afford the medication, it will plunge you into a very painful depression...the fact that the meds work and now you can't have them makes you feel worse than ever because NOW you know you can be happy.

People need to understand depression. They need to realize its very painful to live with and deal with. I have never had a support system in my entire life. No one ever listened to me nor cared for my struggles. I have always had to deal with depression on my own.

Its very hard to face the world by yourself. Its hard to get out of the bed. Sometimes the most simplest of things feels impossible for me to do because I am in such a current state of misery and emotional pain....

As I write this right now, I am in tears because I am in another depressed state.

I find my depressed states to be at their worst during the night. I am nocturnal, an insomniac.

So many people want to blame the victim for their own depression. The problem is that they are pushed into a painful world with no trustworthy, reliable support system to make their life easier to deal with.

Formerly depressed people often claim to understand what you are going through but often they will never provide you the support system that you need, usually because they are afraid of some kind of relapse or because like the majority of people out there, they just don't understand how to handle and deal with depressed people.

The thing is, you have to understand depression before you can figure out how to help someone. But one must realize each depressed person has their own individual needs.

The best thing you can do is to lend your ear and actually listen, instead of doling out useless advice (and believe me, most of it IS useless) and to stand strong against the depressed person efforts to shove you out.

In a sense we are kind of testing you (albeit unwittingly). We start to realize who is there for us when they are still with us at our most ugliest and worst states.

It helps not to criticize and blame the victim. No one wants to willingly be depressed.

But most important of all, do not and I mean DO NOT, tell the depressed person to snap out of it. Don't expect them to just all of a sudden become happy.

Clinically depressed people are not like normal depressed people who have occasional moments of sadness. Clinically depressed people are dealing with major and even severe pain. Living is very hard for them to do. We often think about suicide as the answer. We often spontaneously out of nowhere go into a long bout of depression, how long it lasts can vary.

When you don't understand what we depressed people go through, you often make things worse especially for us. If you don't understand it, then just shut up and walk away. Don't speak about what you seriously don't know about.

You Can Never Go Wrong with Gift Cards

Its kind of become normal in my family to give money to each other instead of buying a gift for Christmas. In my family, we prefer to buy our "wants" throughout the year rather than on birthdays and holidays....

Most people like getting actual gifts, such as clothing and jewelry.

But I personally do not.

I hate getting clothing because you run into 3 problems:

Wrong size
Wrong color
Wrong style

I prefer to look at gift giving from the aspect of getting the most of your money, rather than the sentiment of the thought that counts.

I mean if its one thing I have learned about people who buy you clothes for Christmas or Birthdays, is that they will often shop for you as if they were shopping for themselves. Meaning, they pick out items that they would like with absolutely no regard your opinion.

My aunt did this to me last year. Of course I had a chance to go to the store and pick out stuff for myself but I decided against it to go hang with my sister's friends. The problem is my aunt is Pentecostal, and therefore believes in the skirt wearing ideals. I don't despise skirts, but I mostly wear pants.

At the time of getting the skirt, I was put off but I have since started welcoming skirts into my wardrobe so it worked out.

But still, when you think about it like this, it makes you rethink the kind of stuff to buy someone:

When you go along with the view that its the thought that counts, you waste money buying something that the person may not even like. Ask yourself, do you really want to waste your money like that?

When you give the person money or a gift card, at least you know they will get something they enjoy...of course, it does show that you don't care enough to figure out the kind of things that person would want...but at least you are playing it safe though.

I guess it depends on the person you are buying for.

Gift Cards are better than money because it limits the person. If you bought a card to a clothing store, then you know its going towards that only.

I just don't think you can go wrong with them...I know I much prefer that to actual gifts these days.

The difference between minimum wage jobs and salary jobs

There is a reason people say minimum wage jobs should not be a career job...

Minimum wage is unpredictable. A boss can cut your hours however they want. My mom works minimum wage and its horrible what they do. Its amazing how legal it is to do that.

Its problematic when for years you get paid for 40 hours a week...then your boss cuts you down to where you would be lucky to pull 30 hours a week.

Minimum wage is unpredictable because your pay can change each time. Its hard to have things that you have to pay bills on when you don't know if you are going to get enough pay to cover it this time around.

With salary pay though, usually the pay stays the same on a similar schedule per month. Salary is definitely a higher pay than minimum.

But minimum wage does usually have one advantage over salary. At least with minimum your job ends when you clock out.

With salary pay 9 out of 10 your job never ends when you are done for the day. A nurse or doctor can always be called in. A teacher has to grade work, deal with lesson plans and etc. And so on...

There is a reason they get salary pay...because if they got paid minimum wage for a job that never truly ends, they may just actually get paid more.

But salary does have the benefit of not getting docked for one days absent unlike with minimum wage where one day of no work can make all the difference in your pay.

Disco

Sometimes I am glad to have been born in 1989. Mainly because you can walk around in 2009 liking disco music and not get shunned for it. Sure some people will give you a blank face, and at worst be shocked when you say that you don't listen to rap and do not know any of the singers they are speaking of....

It must have sucked for those who liked disco music in the 1970s, with the crazy rock fans who were so jealous that good music was replacing garbage that they had it destroyed.

I like 50s and 60s music...but when the British invasion happened, the rest of the 60s and the 70s began to suck. It was only by the graces of Disco was music saved.

I can barely name a rock song of the 70s that actually was good....but i could name a handful of disco songs that are great.

But I do think the disco dress style was horrible...but that isn't saying much since I despise the entire wardrobe of the 1970s (I much prefer the 1950s clean cut look).

I pretty much hate everything that the 1970s stand for....as much as I am for liberal ideology, I hated the demoralization of society....

But anyways, disco will always be better than rock.

My own movie grading system

How many people actually care what the critics have to say about a movie? I mean, as much as they try to make it sound like critiquing a movie is all rooted in professionalism, for the most part its just pure opinion based.

I usually say that the amount a movie makes is far more important than what some critic says....

But even then, should money matter???

I never watch award ceremonies...its not interesting...it annoys me when the lamest movies get awards and the best don't get recognized...I couldn't believe it when that bollywood movie got best picture...it had no qualities of a even a remotely average to good picture.

I tend to despise a movie when it gets overhyped...thats why I don't care for twilight or high school musical....people got carried away with sub par movies.

I have my own grading system for movies. Its a pretty simple system in fact. I determine a movie's greatness by how much I personally enjoyed it.

For me, a great movie is something I'd want to watch again, and would want to own. An average movie is something I'd want to watch again but not necessarily want or have to own....A bad movie is something I would never care to see ever again.

I watch movies for pure enjoyment, to get away from this depressing world...it angers some out there to be the type to watch movies only for entertainment. There are people who believe one should watch it for its cinematic magic.

I don't get why it matters with some people to only like movies that are successful.

Sometimes the best movies are those that are least popular financially and critically.

We all have our own opinions, so how about using them?

What interests you?

NASA and Titanic interest me....what interests you????

Selling Your Soul to the devil

I consider the republican party as the new version of the kkk and neo nazi party. To be a black person and to vote republican is pretty much selling your soul to the devil.

It would be like telling Hitler and his SS men, "hey! I am a Jew!!!" in plain view...or worse, being a Jew and supporting what hitler did (apparently there are some bozos out there like that).

There is this creep asian Michelle Malkin (essentially the asian version of ann coulter) who actually supports the japanese internment camps of wwII!!!!

the democrat party may have its racists, but at least its platform isn't strongly consistant of hypocrisy, hate (racism, sexism, any kind of ism), controlling peoples rights (such as religion, and other things), and denying people's rights (such as free speech) like the republican party.

i am not pro democrat per se, but I am very STRONGLY anti-republican. i'd rather die a liberal than a republican. I am not even a full on liberal, I am more moderate, but I will not vote republican or libertarian...I refuse to sell my soul to the devil.

Besides, true Christians would never vote Republican. I don't like republican's brand of "christianity" or "patriotism" (which is more like ethnic nationalism, meaning white nationalism).

My view on HD and Blu-ray

The most suckiest thing happened a few hours ago. The big tv in the living room of the apartment, has finally fried...after 10 years...

I had a feeling it was going to happen eventually...I mean for the last few months I kept wondering to myself, "what am I going to do if the tv stops working?"

Had this happened a few months back I would have lost it completely...I would have cried gotten angry and all that. Had this happened about a month ago, before my mom got the internet working again, I would have also been very angry.

But I didn't get angry, I actually just shrugged, felt annoyed that I would have to move the giganto tv somehow. Mom already had the internet going by then, and living on campus without a tv in my room (unlike everyone else) has kinda helped me get over having to have the tv constantly. Now I only watch it when I am at home.

Luckily there was still a small tv in my bedroom that I am hardly in, that I could plug into the cables in the living room....

Thankfully both televisions are Orion, so I didn't have to worry about finding that paper to change the code on the remote.

Unless this tv konks out too, we are stuck with it til mom can afford a new one. This means we are going to have to buy a flat screen or LCD tv since that is all they sell...

Its weird, with the old tv sets, they used to run like a hundred dollars for a good sized television, but now its like 200 dollars for just a small one.

Now what does this have to do with blu ray and HD? Well, the fact that my mom is going to be forced into having to buy a flat screen/lcd tv whenever she gets the chance, reminds me of how things like Blu ray and HD are taking over.

I hate being forced into keeping up with technology. I am a choices kind of person...when DVD was taking over, I was having issues with my vcr, so I hardly watched it. VHS tapes were getting damaged due to my not taking care of them. My aunt bought my mom and I a dvd player, and from then on out its been dvds in this house. It was made easier by buying a portable dvd player for christmas (which I no longer use), and then made even more easier by using a laptop/computer.

I hate blu-ray. I don't want it do to DVDs what DVD did to VHS. I mean, I am sure blu-ray quality is great and awesome, but personally I don't care to shell out 10 extra dollars for it.
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I don't care for any of that HD stuff and blu-ray stuff. I mean, it just feels like a waste, as soon as it becomes mainstream, technology will further advance to make something even better...

What annoys me is that stores and rental places only exclusively sell one version after the transition period of selling both. So you are FORCED into having to waste money on something you really don't care to have, simply so you can watch your movies.

This must be how people felt when color tv came in. Heck, my mom told me it wasn't until the 1970s she finally got to see color tv.

There is nothing wrong with society advancing technologically, as long as we give people the choice not to have to waste their money to conform to it.

Widescreen vs. Full Screen

I have to thank TCM for teaching me about the difference between widescreen and full screen.

I learned about a year ago something I never paid much attention to.

We all see on tv the screen turn black with a message before the movie starts saying "this movie has been formatted to fit your television".

I never quite understood what that meant...I always assumed they would take the movie and just make it the size for televisions without editing it at all.

Boy, was i wrong....

As it turns out, there is something called Pan and Scan.

In an attempt to make it formatted to fit your screen, they actually cut parts of a scene out, and just focus in on the more important parts. Most of us don't really notice it though because its not important.

Here are some examples of pan and scan.

Here is the TCM Pan and Scan video


I used to be crazy for full screen. I used to DESPISE widescreen version...but now I am starting to have an appreciation for it.

So thank you TCM for showing that short clip that was about Pan and Scan.

Maybe its because you took out the book readings for the final

I just found out that I got a B on my final. I officially have a B for that class. It was such a relief.

You see, we took 3 regular tests throughout the semester and then the final. Our teacher curves test scores because so many do so horribly (and yet he doesn't understand why).

I was very upset after my second test when I had put in more study time than the first test, but actually did 10 points worse. Now with the curves, I had still gotten a C just like the first one because the curve was slightly different...meaning, had I gotten the same points as the first test, the second test would have been a B instead of a C.

So in once sense, I lucked out...but in another sense, I didn't.

Anyways, the 3 tests are based on chapter readings (which are like 50 pages per chapter) and lecture notes. Now seriously, who reads the chapters?

The final though was based solely on the lectures.

Now the psych teacher says many students did better on the final...partly because he decided to do something he had never done before, he decided that if you did better on your final than you did on your other tests, then that is the score you will get for your grade for the class.

He admits that he makes his tests hard, but then he excuses it by saying "I can't help it".....

Now we students had a reason to study much more for this final...for starters we already know to study for a final, but now the grade incentive gave us reason to study.

As he was saying the scores for the class were better, he attributed it to studying hard.

But he forgot one detail...the fact that the final was only about the lectures.

Believe me this made a difference. It meant we didn't have to try and retain alot of reading and information. Because most of us do not read the book, we would have had to read it before the final, along with reading our notes...thats what causes us to do bad. We are trying to fight to retain too much information in such a short little time...besides, it would be a miracle if someone could read through all those hundreds of pages without falling asleep.

But either way, I am sooooooo glad I did not fail that class...I seriously had given up hope. I studied even harder for that 3rd test and managed to pull a B on that by just a few points...the curve was just like the second test....

Now I can focus my worry on philosophy class.

The First step in helping someone

There is a step that is VERY crucial for a gazillion reasons. This is the first step one should take in any situation really....but we are going to use helping someone as the example.

This step is called, LISTENING.

You may be laughing and thinking to yourself, "yeah I am sooo sure"

But you would be surprised at what listening can do.

Have you ever found yourself trying to talk about your problem to someone and the other person starts talking about themselves, or worse they start trying to minimize your problem and make you feel like a fool for rightfully being upset?

How about when your in a normal conversation and you find yourself fighting to talk? Always getting interrupted or having to compete to get what you say in because the other person can't shut up long enough?

Listening and hearing are different things. I hear you speaking, but I am not listening to anything you say. Pretty much sums up that difference.

Most of us will hear what others have to say, but won't actually listen to it.

When you are trying to help someone, listening to them instead of trying to talk can make a difference. Why?

• When you stop to listen, you may hear things that you would normally miss because you are too busy trying to talk.
• Sometimes a person can drop hints that they wouldn't be upfront about. You have to listen to pick up on them.
• Listening can be all that person needs...sometimes the difference between a good day or depressing angry day. Sometimes we just need to vent.
• If you plan to give out advice, if you don't listen you will not even remotely understand the situation and thus you will make it worse by minimizing the scale of it.
  

You could say that the problem is really worldwide. No one listens, thus we all are so busy being self absorbed and trying to be superior...we don't let others talk, we have to be the talkers.

I always say to only "speak of what YOU only know"...but also it would help if people took the time to just listen to others instead of always having to talk.

We all know our own love situation

I have never liked it when those who have found love try to equate their situation to yours. Just because you found it doesn't mean all will.

I have no intentions of finding love...I have a very very good control on that, and have no reason to fear the possibility of being in love and being loved back. I do not see it happening at all.

But, there is two ways to look at love...there is the realistic way and the unrealistic way.

Unrealistically, one could look at love in the way that everyone will find it, that there is someone for everyone out there. One can say to themselves, they just haven't found "the one" yet.

Realistically, one would look at their own record in love to determine their future in it. If you are in your 20s and you have never found love and no guy pays you any attention, then you would know more than someone who has been in love, about your own situation. You know very well that your future is bleak and that there is no use in being hopeful.

Usually one is never wrong about the future of the situation they are in...only in rare cases is one wrong.

common sense results

Harry Harlow used rhesus monkeys to experiment about isolation and nurture. His research changed the way children were treated.

Animal rights activists of today say what he did back in the 50s was unethical, and have said it was "common sense results".

Now my beef with that is, that if it were common sense results, there would be no need to experiment.

You see, its common sense today, because NOW we know better, because someone had to find the answer and spread it around.

All common sense is grounded in some kind of science which means it had to be discovered and become a part of mainstream society in order for it to gradually become common sense.

Good Laziness vs. Bad Laziness

So I was talking to this girl in the dining hall. We both had a shared mutual disdain for society. We both got on to the topic of laziness. Both of us professed being lazy and guilty as charged, yet as we discussed laziness, we discovered there is good laziness and then there is bad laziness.

Yeah all laziness is bad in some way or form.

But in a way laziness can help.

Two types of laziness:

Good: while bad in another way, its good in the sense that it helps kick a habit (albeit temporarily usually) that is often causing problems in your day to day life.

Bad: is your typical laziness...you don't want to put in the time or effort for anything.

This girl talked about how when her boyfriend doesn't have a car (he has bad luck with cars), he is too lazy to walk over to Walgreens to get a pack of cigarettes, so in the period he doesn't have a car on him, he quits smoking.

Another example is that one is less likely to overspend or waste money when they are too lazy to go places without a car.

That is how being lazy can benefit people. Of course it affects them negatively in other ways but thats not the issue at front at the moment.

But the bad laziness is that when you do have a car on you, you find yourself driving down the street to the store, something that may not even be more than a 5 or so minute walk.

I remember when my mom used to own a car, we would drive to Walgreens in my neighborhood, which is only about 3 or 4 buildings down from us (it used to be a block from us but they rebuilt it because they wanted to make it bigger and they had to move it).

It was like a 10 second drive, one would probably spend more time waiting to make the turn onto the street than they would actually driving to it.

But now that my mom no longer owns a car, its like a 3 to 5min walk (my mom is sick so it also takes her a little longer than most to make the walk).

We talked about how technology being the death of us just like cars have.

I mean just look at drive thrus at fast food joints, there is a like a long line and people get angry that you aren't going fast enough....they get mad that their gas is being wasted when it was themselves who choose to drive into a busy line. Meanwhile those who actually get off their asses and walk in, are forced to come second to those who decide to be lazy about how they want to get their food.

I Just Want to go Home

I just want to go home. So Wednesday is my last day for finals...I am in a deep depression at the moment...I have been wanting to cry but can't. I don't know if its stress because this final I have coming up is like completely impossible to pass (just like the regular tests during the year). Or if its because other peoples' winter breaks have begun.

Thats the sucky part about college. There is no unity in when winter break actually begins. Sure the official date is all the same but professors choose when they will administer the final, even though this week is the actual official week of finals.

I regret not spending tuesday packing and getting things in order so that after my final wednesday I could have headed on home.

At this point, I am looking at thursday. Being here right now has me in misery. I am not sure if its a compile of reasons or one isolated reason.

I am feeling:

• Overwhelmed by this upcoming "death" final (my nickname for it), because I am having anxiety over the issue, it could be affecting why I am feeling miserable.
• I am dreading the fact that I am once again going to be sleep deprived some sleep. Its possible that once I finish the final, staying here for one more night won't phase me as much since I will be able to sleep in Thursday before I head on out.
• I am jealous that others have begun their break.
• I am anticipating a break where I don't have to stress about school work (like I had to with Fall break).
  
• I am also growing more and more impatient about my When We Left Earth dvd set. Its already arrived at home (it came on Saturday, ahead of schedule). But I am getting antsy, I want to watch it sooooo much.

My depression was sparked by facebook...coincidentally I was just reading about depression in my psych book too. But I was looking at some of my sister's pics and friends, and thought about how she had replaced me as her sister a long time ago, and how I could never be accepted in her group of friends. Even though I have pretty much disowned her...there is still that void in me that has always been there ever since we were little.

It just got worse from there, my "want" to go home, all of a sudden felt like a longing "need" to go home.

The last few weeks in this dorm have been a nightmare and I could certainly use a break.

I am not sure how I will feel once I am done with the final. I know I am gonna want to go home no matter what, but the feeling that I have to get out of here or I am gonna lose my mind may go away once the stress of the death final is out of the way.

I hate it when people cover songs that just came out

Its one thing to cover a song that is like a decade or more old...but to cover a song that just came out like a year or less ago?

I find it to be disrespectful and more of an insult.

In this day and age, you have people remaking songs that have just come out themselves....its a disrespectful music industry.

People think having the opposite sex or people of a different genre do the song somehow makes it okay, but not really....I mean, why should the originator of the song have to compete with someone the song doesn't even belong to?

Whatever happened to having class and waiting at least 10 or so years to make a cover version of a song????

Introverts, Misanthropy, and being anti-social

Believe it or not there is a difference between the 3...I should know since I am all of them.

1. Introversion...is the polar opposite of extroversion. 75% of society is extroverted while only 25% are supposedly introverted. According to psychologists/scientists, we are born with the predisposition of being one of the two. That doesn't mean we can't adapt and change to the opposite, it just means by nature we are one of the two, and by default we will always return to that nature. Being introverted means you like to be alone, social situations make you feel awkward, and sometimes makes you feel like you are having an anxiety attack cause you are around people for too long. Extroverted people depend and thrive on being around others, they almost cannot bear to be alone, as many do not know how to be alone longer than for a few hours at most.

2. Anti-social, this is the next step above introversion. There are two types

• Type 1 is anti-social by choice, they just do not like to hang out with people, they don't like to go places, they usually do not get along well with others so they avoid being social.
• Type 2 usually has social anxiety and is scared to talk to others. They don't necessarily want to be anti-social, but that is how they become and are percieved because they do not know how to be social.

Both types are introverted but in different ways. Type 2 is the extreme version of introversion because they don't know how to be social, while Type 1 may not necessarily have problems with being social, while they often have trouble getting along with others, they may not have problems being social in general, but they choose not to be social as its just not their thing.

3. Misanthropy, is actually the extreme version of Type 1 anti-socialization. To be misanthropic means to be anti-humanity. One hates being around others so much, they usually have a deep hatred for everything that relates to people.The only thing that is higher than misanthropy is being a sociopath. Misanthropic people are not necessarily cold hearted or feelingless, they just do not like society and really want no part of it. Often misanthropy is a result of being hurt emotionally enough to a point that its scarred them horribly.

There are articles out there that talk about how introverts and the like are supposed to survive in this extroverted socializing world. My question is why? Why should WE have to conform? Their way is no more correct. I laugh whenever some loser says you need people in order to be happy...that is not true if your predisposition is introverted. Introverts find happiness without people.

Unhealthy for you

We all know that the key is moderation....

How many times have we heard that such and such is bad for you?

In fact it makes me want to ask, whats NOT unhealthy for you?

Whether or not you use moderation, everything is pretty much bad for humans....they must be since no one has yet to be able to live forever or at least for over 120 years (who would even want to?????).

But of course just because of that doesn't give us all the right to shove onto others unnecessary unhealthy behaviors...for example:

If you want to kill yourself with cigarettes thats your right, but i don't want to smell it.

The problem is that people tend to carry their bad habits into other peoples bubbles....don't share it, keep your bad habits to yourself.

inconsiderate roommates

i would rather commute at this point because my roommates are some of the most disrespectful people you could possibly meet.

It is the night before finals.

And what are 2 of my 3 roommates doing? They are loudly as usual playing Rock Band. No matter how many times I ask for them to keep it down they don't listen.

It angers me. The RA won't do anything about it.

I don't care if they want to fail their finals, but I shouldn't have to suffer because of it.

I mean these are some of the most fucking dumbest people to step foot on earth.

I wish they would use their brains. THIS IS FINALS WEEK YOU MORONIC LOSERS, INSTEAD OF PLAYING GAMES AND PREVENTING ME FROM STUDYING, GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND STUDY AND MAKE USE OF YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATIONS!!!!

one of these girls doesn't even go to class at all....why am i not surprised????

On top of that, they usually play until like 1:00 AM.

It costs to change your room...

This is a good example to the disadvantages of not being able to choose your roommates.

The movie just goes unwatched

I bought two raunchy movies in the past, that I have seen a gazillion times and thought were great.

But now I am questioning them.

The movies are Clerks II and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

I think I may be outgrowing the nature of those movies.

Have you ever bought some movies, loved them at the time, and then realize that they have been sitting there going untouched for the longest time?

I love comedy, but I am outgrowing some forms of comedy.

I am starting to go back to my childhood like roots and enjoy family comedies again. I dunno, I am just sick of the nature of movies like Clerks II. I am sick of movies that are supposed to parody real life or satrical films.

I am just done really.

The movie I am currently trying to save up for right now is Apollo 13, that is the kind of movie I am into at the moment.

I bought Twister and Catch Me if You Can and a few other movies recently like that.

I think I am ending that chapter of my life, that chapter of liking crazy teen/college comedies where the characters are getting drunk having sex and being a total dick-ass.

I am growing up and moving on....

Comprehension vs. Memorization

It wasn't until now, a week away from finals, that I finally realized exactly what makes my psych tests soo frickn hard.

Its not just the usual problems of not getting everything the professor says written down. Its not just the problems of not making sense of what he says (how good of a professor someone is is based on how they lecture).

But what makes his tests so hard is that they aren't about memorization as much as they are about comprehension.

Some of his questions are not exactly in the way he phrased things in lectures, they derive from it, meaning, you had to process and comprehend the mechanisms of the topic in order to correctly answer the question.

We all come from the high school way of testing, meaning just memorizing.

Some and myself included have always though memorizing included comprehension, but I just realized that it doesn't.

Comprehending and processing something is taking memorization a step further. With memorizing, you are just touching the surface of things.

But when you process and try to comprehend it, not only do you memorize the surface but you go deeper and find fuller understanding of how something works or is.

For instance, when it comes to classical conditioning, memorizing would be just to memorize what each part of classical conditioning is, and what each of those functions do.

But someone who wants to process, understand, and comprehend it will try to make sense of how it works, why it works, and try to understand its whole process.

I am realizing this is what makes college tests so hard, you have to process this stuff, actually try to understand it, not just memorize it.

Things I am Learning about Campus Living

In a sense, I am glad that I am living at a university very close to home, because I can hop on the light rail train, get on a bus and go home if I need to. The original choice of school that I was gonna go to last year was hours away...now I am thinking that I was being very irrational and silly about that. Maybe this is my silver lining.

But here are some things I am learning about living on campus:

1. Living with strangers is not so great if you are typically anti-social. I have 3 roommates, each of whom are stuck up. They often accuse me of things because lets face it, they can get away with it. I am the odd girl out, I stick out like a sore thumb. I am their perfect Fall Girl.
2. If you can live in your own dorm/apartment or have minimal roommates, GO FOR IT. The more roommates you have, the more drama.
3. I have learned lessons such as: Never take sides, it will work against you. You truly can't please others and its not worth trying since some people really don't want to be pleased because they don't like you. I have found that I need God. I have no one to really turn to and what I am going through in this dorm is pure hell.

Venting helps

Sometimes we are in situations where we have absolutely no control. It can be daunting and hard. Bottling up emotions can be painful because we all need to let it out.

But lets face it, it only feels good to vent, where there is someone on the receiving end to listen to it. When there is no one, and its just you yelling into air...or even typing in a blog, it doesn't alleviate any of the pain. In fact it just gets your anger broiling hot.

The disadvantage is that if you are a loner like me, you have no one to vent to.

Why private healthcare is against universal healthcare

I am a full supporter of universal healthcare, but I also believe it should all be by choice. One shouldn't have to take universal healthcare if they don't want or need it. One should be able to have private health care.

You see, the private HC industry doesn't want universal HC for one real reason...they'd actually have to make their HC plans more worth your while to keep your money.

Its like how an electric car would be a threat to the oil industry. Some businesses don't want competition because they know that everyone would go to the other side because of the horror stories and unnecessary expenses they have to pay for private insurance.

Lets face it, if they had to face real competition, they'd actually have to give you good deals to get you to come their way. Poor people who can't afford healtcare anyways are no loss to them in the first place.

We all know that there are going to be setbacks to universal health care...but its just unfair that the poor can't even seek help because its just to unbelievealby expensive.

If you can afford private healtcare all the power to you. But don't deny those a right to live or have healthy fulfilling lives just because they are poor. Remember...if everyone was rich...America could not possibly exist. There has to be a poor class...and well the poor obviously can't have what those with money do have.

I think listening to music while studying is subjective

Some recommend you NOT listen to music while studying. Some recommend you do. Some say listen to classical/instrumental/soothing music, others say you should listen to what YOU like.

Its all subjective if you ask me. What works for you may not work for me. I love classical music, new age music, instrumental music, so I have no problem playing it, thats where I get my thoughtful moments, thats how I get to my happy place.

But I am not sure if it will help me studying. For me, its both a distraction and escape from other distractions.

My roommate's blaring her tv loudly, so my music drowns it out, id much rather be distracted by something I like and have control over.

For me, if I do listen to music while studying it has to be soothing. I have almost every genre of music on my itunes, but the only one that is good for me to hear while studying is my classical/new age music. Pop music will make me want to dance or sing along.

Now the question is does listening to music really work? Some say it really doesn't. But some say it does. That is what makes it ultimately subjective, we all have our own way of studying. There is always an exception to the rule, there is always is always two sides to a statistic.

It also depends on the situation you are in...in any normal situation I wouldn't want to listen to music, but i need something to help me not get distracted by other loud noises that are out of my control.

Time to close the high school chapter of my life officially

Unofficially the high school chapter of my life ended when I graduated in 2008. But I never really let go. For years I wanted to graduate, and after graduating I wanted to go back.

As I said in a different post, "the present doesn't stop sucking until it becomes the past".

I am like the only person who really hasn't changed since high school. Not in looks or personality.

Everyone else has changed, this one girl who is uglier than me has had several boyfriends. She even decided to go republican (blech!). Everyone is changing.

I am constantly surrounded by people at my university who have spoken about how they have changed since high school.

I really haven't changed. Other than occasionally wearing my hair in a different style. Wearing a skirt every now and then, and writing more poetry, I am still the same misanthropic anti-social depressed person that I was in high school. I still haven't dated (and quite frankly I don't see that happening). I have no stories to tell really.

I am trying to find myself though....

but its time to close the high school chapter. its over. those people are out of my life. i shouldn't compare myself to them. Its time to start my own life separate from that of high school.

An interesting thought about time periods

When one gets fed up with the tech world of today and the misery its contributing to, one often starts feeling life would be better before all those inventions.

But as much as we sometimes vie for an older time. One should realize, that there is no such thing as an easier time period.

All time periods including today, are rough in their own respective senses. Sure if we go back 100 years we won't have to deal with computers. But we would have to deal with several different problems.

Each time has its own ups and downs. And besides that most of us are not reared to survive other times.

I remember when my 11th grade english teacher asked us the question when we were going into reading the book Kindred, she asked "Do you think you could survive slavery?"And all of us said no.

She explained that even the strongest probably couldn't survive. And considering those actually living it could barely survive, how can any of us, who are conditioned in our own time period survive that kind of period?

This corralates with my theory (mentioned in my other blog Questions of a Biracial Girl), that the present always sucks until it becomes the past. Meaning, when in the moment we focus more on the bad. But once enough time has passed by and that present has become the past, we will often look at the past in a more positive light because well its over and it doesn't affect us nearly as much anymore.

What REALLY made it the Golden Age of Hollywood

In a sense, its real reason is similar to that of Nickelodeon.

With Nick, the 1990s was its Golden era. The 1980s built it up and the 1990s was when everything was coming out.

But what made both that and the Golden age of hollywood, a golden age are the following:

1. New heights. When talkies came out they changed the movie industry, and then there was color. These new things to movies shaped it out. Likewise with Nickelodeon, a tv channel that broadcasted game shows, cartoons, and sitcoms all produced by the network brought it new heights.
2. New ideas. Today Hollywood feels repetitious. Constantly movies are remade, or rehashed in a lame sequel. But back in the 1940s, these were new ideas, new concepts.
3. Glamour. Old Hollywood was very glamourous courtesy of MGM.
   
4. Back in old hollywood, it was a big deal to be a part of a studio. These studios were reaching their first height in art.

It wasn't so much acting that made it a golden age, its the newness that was involved...not to mention we have the tendency to look at the past as a better time when we feel the present sucks. The present always sucks until it becomes the past.

Opinionated answers are not always the best ones

Right now I have to do a philosophy paper, and I am trying to choose which question I want to make my essay about.

One question is a right or wrong answer type. While the other is more opinionated. There is advantages and disadvantages to both.

Using the right or wrong answer question for an essay is easier because you dont have to support evidence as much. Yet the disadvantage is that it makes it harder to sometimes meet the requirement because there may not be enough answer for the question-essay.

The advantage to using opinionated answer questions is that you get to form your own answer. The problem though that makes it hard isn't whether your answer is right or wrong but how well you support it. You have to support it much more than a right/wrong answer question because well its an opinion and you have to be convincing, there are no barriers.

Both can be hard based on the particular situation and case of the moment.

Comfort in being alone

I am a big advocate in the "comfort in being alone" ideology.

One cannot begin to be comfortable with themselves, and even like themselves let alone love themselves, if they are not comfortable in being alone.

You see, when you vie for friends, and don't want to be alone or want to find happiness in being alone, you will often do whatever you can to have friends.

For example: You like R&B and Pop, a group of people you are often around prefer country music and don't like r&b and pop whatsoever. In order to be friends with them you hide what you like and do not make mention of it. The fact that you did that can open up the doors to allowing yourself to be walked all over by them because the fact that you would change what you like to fit their needs allows them to do whatever they want to you because you vie not to be alone and vie for friends.

In the end, they are not truly your friends and so you gave up being you for people that don't like you and you come up losing.

Now, the thing is by being you, yes its possible to make enemies. But if you can accept being alone and find happiness and fun in being alone, then you will become more solid in being you because the fear of being friendless and alone isn't painful or scary anymore because you know you can still have fun and happiness alone.

Its true, that if you can't find happiness in being you, then you are not going to find happiness at all.

Opinions matter to an extent, based on who it is coming from and the grounds of which the opinion is based on.

But we can't live by those opinions all the time. There is always going to be someone who disagrees...one just has to become firm in what they want and not what others want. It is too easy to fall into the trap of people pleasing.

Girly Girls, Sporty Girls, and Tomboys

There are several types of girls. But these 3 particular types of girls get confused for one another.

Here is what makes each type different:

1. Girly Girls: This type of girl is flat out girly, mall shopping, loves makeup, looking perfect, has no athletic abilities whatsoever, and are often considered physically weak.

2. Sporty Girls: This type is just like the girly girl except unlike the girly girl they are athletic and are not physically weak. But while they dabble in the arena of sports, they dress and maintain themselves just like a girly girl.

3. Tomboys: This type of girl is like the sporty girl in the fact that they are not physically weak and like sports. But the difference is that they do not maintain themselves like the girly girl. They often dress and act/behave like boys. They do not care to look like the sporty or girly girl.

So those are the 3 types of girls. Of course there are subgenres and other genres of types of girls. I myself am partially a girly girl, while being low maintenance and laidback.

Why romantic love isn't real.

Love for your family, that is one thing. Love for God even is something different. Neither are examples of romantic love. Romantic love is well, romance.

Romantic love can't possibly be real. Why? Well, how can such a "great feeling" exist, if its way too possible for someone to never get to experience it?

How do you explain the fact that some people romantically crush or fall in love or lust for others...but no one ever returns the feelings or feels the same about them? Especially when the feelings are not returned.

I just find it hard to believe that love like that can even exist considering it is so limited to the lucky. The fact that some if not most will never find or experience love just convinces me that love can't possibly be real...

I mean, that has to be a record, to like so many guys and not one of them returns the feelings? How does that even happen unless the only true explanation is that love doesn't exist? I mean, for that many to be incapable of liking let alone loving you, well that just doesn't make much sense....but it happens.

Progressively Traditional

Progressively traditional is a name I coined for someone (such as myself), who holds traditional views about things, but also holds progressive (liberal like) views. In other words, its a more appealing name for "moderate".

I am a firm believer in moderation...the in between. If that were an actual political party, that would be the party for me (but you have two types of independents, left of center, and right of center).

But progressively traditional thinking goes beyond politics, its more of a way of life. For example, the progressively traditional mother/wife believes that a woman can have a job and help support the family (and even make the most) but at the same time, the wife should tend to her household duties such as cooking dinner and taking care of the kids and the household chores.

Some though have a view slightly different such as whomever has the most time or is at home most should take on some of those chores. Different families have different ideas.

But this philosophy is rooted in the fact that many working moms today are not taking care of the household, and the husband isn't either, so you end up with kids who are addicted to video games, internet, fast food, and many other things because no one is regulating it, in fact, parents are encouraging it because it can serve as a babysitter.

Progressively traditional also means that in matters of love, women are often traditional....the man should ask girl out, propose, etc.

But the progressive part in this is that women should pay if SHE initiated a date instead of him...(something she should NOT do until they are girlfriend and boyfriend).

Another belief is no premarital sex. Yet, you can kiss, hold hands, and maybe even do kinky things as long as the pants stay on.

Another view is abortion. Abortion is okay only in matters of rape, incest, and medical reasons (such as the life of the mother). Yet if you consensually have sex, take responsibility.

Progressively traditional is the best way in the end because its not extreme in either end. It makes a balance and is actually a pretty reasonable way of living.

James Bond

I am not a fan of James Bond, I do not have the attention span to watch those movies, although I have seen bits and pieces.

The hottest James Bond in my opinion was Pierce Brosnan.

but the best James Bond will always be Sean Connery...he is the original.

Why religion in school is impossible.

There are some religious freaks out there (you know those who believe in forcing others to do their religion) that believe in bringing God back in to school. Their whole "notion" is school went downhill when it was taken out. School did go downhill, but not due to religion, its due to lack of responsibility of the parents, and the gov't making it harder for teachers to teach and to actually punish immature disturbances you call naughty children. When spanking was taken out and replaced with a 2 hour detention, people realized they could get away with so much more cause the punishment wasn't horrible (at least for the repeat offender).

I am not an atheist, in fact I despise Atheists because they are hypocrites who do the same crap as Christians that they claim they hate Christians doing to them.

But why is it impossible to bring religion back into public school?

1. Different religions. So because chrisitianity is the majority religion, they have the right to trump the religions of others? Ask yourself this, if another religion or atheism ever became the majority, would you, the Christian, subscribe to having your religion trumped by them because you are in the minority? If not, then why do it to others? Your religion is no more wrong or right than anyone elses. You claim yours is right, so do they. So how will you accomodate for other religions? What about the Westboro Baptist Church (the pinnicle of what many Christians in reality have become these days, especially the conservative ones)? Would you be okay with them coming to YOUR schools? Because if you allow Christians to talk with your school, by law, you would have to let any religion come to your school otherwise you would be discriminating.

2. What about different Christian beliefs? There is a reason you will see different types of private Christian schools and Catholic schools. Its because people subscribe to different types of denominations. In a public school setting, your not just facing different religous beliefs as a whole, but different religious beliefs within the same Christian sector. So how do you stay unbiased? There are liberal (aka Democratic) Christians and then you have your hated conservative (Republican) Christians (the ones I find to be the most unchristianly of all), how will you do the religion and prayer just right to fit the standards of all religions?

3. Why should one be FORCED to pray? How is pushing a religion someone going to make them more religious? It actually made me turn away when I was younger...I do not like being forced to adhere to things. So is it really worth pushing more to become agnostic or worse, atheist?

In the end, there are more problems than there are solutions to how to deal with bring religion and prayer back into schools. Remember these schools are no longer segregated by race to the point that you could get away with these kind of things back then.

If you so badly want religion taught to your child, why don't you pay for them to go to private school? Tax dollars should not be wasted on trumping others relgious beliefs in school.

The Great Depression is why....

Often people bad mouth things like welfare, food stamps, any form of gov't aid even financial aid for school. They talk about the thousands that abuse or take advantage of these programs...an amount that surely is in the minority but only made to appear worse than it is by the media.

They feel these kind of Gov't involvings is wrong.

Well blame the Great Depression, it changed everything.

Did you know back in the 1800s, the federal Gov't got involved only very little back then, when a financial crisis occurred, there was no aid of any sort to get them out. There was no expectation from the people to get them out.

But when the Great Depression happened, Gov't had no choice but to get them out, some way or somehow. They could have just kept doing things the old way but they decided to get involved, why? because it would have been cruel not to. Things would have gotten even worse had they not.

But the costly part of this is that it left the lasting effects of people expecting the gov't to fix all problems...it has caused our society to shirk personal responsibilities...the same people that grump about gov't aid are the same people that expect the gov't to solve all these financial solutions.

Should we go back to pre Great Depression ways? Or keep with them? History always repeats itself...the only way to prevent that is to figure out exactly all the things that played a role in the problem.

2 Work philosophies of mine

1. Why do it later when you can get it done now?
2. As long as you get it done on time, what does it matter if you do it later?

Both philosophies work pending on the situation. Sometimes its just easier to hold things off til a little later. But with that comes the fact that you will be thinking about how much you don't want to work on that assignment in the time that you are not working on it.

As much as we dread doing something when we don't want to do it, we must remember that eventually we have to do it, and pushing everything back only means more later.

Case in point: You just ate macaroni, now your bowl is dirty, you can put it in the sink and let it stay dirty and just get to it on another day. Lets say its finally Sunday, you look in the sink and realize you have lots of dishes to clean now because you had let it all pile up. Now if you had washed your dish when you finished then by Sunday you may have very little to none to have to clean.

But when you do decide to procrastinate til later, the problem isn't just thinking about it when your not doing it, but the problem that you may have even more to do later...so its best to be strategic about what stuff you put off til later and what stuff you do not.

The tricky thing about history

History can be tricky. To most history is just remembering dates and taking a class required for the sake of being required. If you asked, most would say history is not important, at least not important enough to need to take a class over it. If you asked most, many would say they don't care for history at all. Most will say its boring and useless.

But there is a problem with history. One that most of us may not notice. Its a conundrum.

The conundrum that if you teach history, it only breeds more hatred because you just planted an idea in their head. Having to learn history may keep certain issues alive. But if you do not teach history you then run the risk of repeating it and that could be much worse than before.

History is a tricky subject not just because you are trying to find answers where there is no one alive to tell you them, on top of the fact that you may just never know what really happened because you were not there.

History is exactly what they say..."his story" in other words, history simply is "he said she said" it all comes down to trying to figure out the facts followed by the opinions of those who were there, the hard part is that one may only have those opinions to go on.

But history is troubling in the fact that one is damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Some people refuse to be pleased

There will be many people in your life that are going to always find a problem with you just for the sake of bitching and giving you a hard time. In most cases you will be outnumbered. The problem is what do you do? There is only one answer to most social situations in life and thats do you and you only, just be you. worry about yourself and focus on yourself.

That is all you can really do in life. The want and/or need to be accepted is enough to keep some people cowering down afraid to be themselves because of the fear of being rejected. But if you accept being alone or accept that you will not be accepted by them or others, then being you is much more easier.

Why I support suicide.

Most people say suicide is wrong, maybe in the context of the Bible it is, but regardless if its wrong based on religious reasons, that is no reason to make it illegal.

In my opinion, if one kills themselves and does NOT put anyone in harms way, then its okay. Living is extremely hard, and its even harder for some others.

People say its not fair to those who must deal with the loss of a loved one due to suicide...but is it really fair to make someone live in misery just to keep YOU from being upset over their death? That sounds pretty selfish.

The reality is, there is no such thing as a temporary situation. I mean some, if not most, kill themselves because of constant disappointment. We all have different levels of dealing with it, and in some peoples cases, they have too much disappointment and not enough good in their lives to keep them going. I mean who wants to live on earth when only bad things happen to them? at that rate you just want to take your life because living has become too unbearable.

Suicide isn't wrong as long as you only off yourself and no one else. No one should have to be subjected to the evil that is Life anymore than they want to allow.

PETA sux

Its not cause I am a meat eater that I hate PETA. I am the type that you would never catch hunting, whether I am against it or not I personally do not know. I just don't care to ever take a gun and kill an animal unless I have to for safety reasons.

I dislike PETA and other animal rights extremists because they are too crazy. They take a good cause and push people away from it. These people are willing to kill a human life to save an animal's life. I just do not like the extremism they take the cause. We all know that violence and extremism gets you recognized, but it also causes you to get hated extremely. That is why when people look at MLK they have good things to say, he took the nonviolent approach. It didn't get him immediate recognition but his approach worked better than PETA's violent approach.

Engagement rings.

Its funny that I am doing a post on something I will never even experience. Its the idea of engagement rings. You will have people who would want their man to spring lots of money on a ring. I on the other hand would be angry if my fiance spent too much money on a ring. Less than 500 is good enough for me, in fact id be uncomfy with a ring that was like 500 dollars honestly. Maybe its cause i am not a jewelry person. It doesnt matter really as i will never marry or fall in love.

Drinking before flight

So through Youtube I was watching some Airline episodes. One of the most recurring incidents on the show was the "you can't board because you are drunk" scene. Countless episodes would show someone being denied boarding as they were too drunk or drunk enough that Southwest felt they would be a threat or safety issue.

Maybe its because I am not a drinker but it just seems foolish to go drinking excessively or at all on the day you are to fly out. It sounds as silly as people who are upset over No smoking legislation in restaurants, those upset over it are silly because you must be addicted if you can't go a few simple hours without alcohol or cigs.

It just seems silly to drink when you know you are getting on board a flight.

Acceptance

You know, sometimes in life you will just have to accept that you may never be accepted. I rationalized a few months back that what prevents people from finding happiness or being satisfied with who they are is their fear of being alone and not accepted. That fear keeps you in the control of others. Some people will have hundreds of friends, while you may have none. But what no one will tell you is that you can still have happiness even if you are alone.

People are quick to say being alone is a life not worth living...but sometimes you have no choice, or you do, but the alternative is too draining. The alternative is to be a pushover.

You are left with the decision. Be you and proud of it or let people talk down to you and mistreat you just so you can have "friends". In the end you never truly have friends, and you put yourself through an unnecessary hell of being walked on by fakes.

Sometimes there really is nothing you can do about a situation other than to let it go and to do your own thing.

I realized I kept putting so much energy into people so undeserving of it. I could use that energy for homework.

Finding happiness has nothing to do with how many friends you have. It simply has to do with the situation you are in, and the resources you have. Yes the kind of fun you will have is going to be different than with a group...but the thing is, one just has to learn to adapt.

Its like love. You can't force a guy to like you. You may end up never falling in love or finding it. But your life doesn't have to revolve around the need of a guy. Its the response to the situation that will dictate happiness or not. Its not necessarily whether you remain optimistic or pessimistic. Its how you accept the situation itself and the steps you take afterword that really matter.

Note about college classes.

In college, the assignments you get are far and few, yet they are time consuming, and not doing well on just one assignment can plummet you.

I am learning that if you can avoid a lecture class, do it at all cost. A lecture class is by far the worst, its a waste of your time and money.

I am also learning, if you don't have to take the class, DO NOT TAKE IT.

and also, just because a class is interesting doesn't mean its easy, in fact, even if you like it, you probably shouldn't take it. its best to avoid complexity if you can.

The weather here SUX!!!

Its a recurring joke where I live about the weather. Around here the weather can be good an entire week, but as soon as you have to do something important, the weather gets horrible and starts raining.

I think the defining point in my life that showed me how unpredictable the weather here is, was Spring a few years ago.

It didn't really snow much (don't get me started about the snow issue) but the first day of spring finally arrived, and guess what happened? it snowed.

Numbness on the right side of my head.

WARNING: this post is very graphic and could make you sick just reading it.

The right side of my head is in pain...i was only asleep for 4 hours, but now i am suffering from the affects of sleeping while sick. i love to sleep, and it pains me to always suffer from sleeping while sick.

sleeping while sick is where every time you sleep, your sickness gets worse.

A few years ago, around the time i was 13, something horrible happened. Somehow the pathway of snot in my nose started seeping into my throat, thus me having to cough up this snot, aka phlegm.

I can feel the snot in my throat, as i will eventually have to start coughing this crap up. i am sick and tired of being sick and tired. i have so much crap that i must do today, and barely any time to do it. i need to cry right now, but i can't.

i have been debating if i should even attempt school, but in all honesty i just don't think i can withstand it. my body itself isn't as of right now, in as bad of a condition as it was yesterday morning, although its still makes me a little dizzy to stand.

i just want to rest, and be stress free.

i am going to admit right now...and no longer be ashamed of the consequences of admitting such a truth will bring. i am a terribly lazy person. i have absolutely no motivation. maybe it was brought on by all the unlucky circumstances brought to me and my mom. maybe its the lack of socializing for the last 8 or so years....maybe its the lack of being forced to do what i dont want to do, and maybe always having that crutch.

there is no career that i really want to do. the truth is i don't want to do anything. i just don't belong in this world...i really don't want to. i am lazy, and i honestly don't care what people think about that. its what i am. i wish i could find a way that would let me live the life i truly want, and thats to do nothing but what i want to do in life, stress free. i am sick of being a slave.

i am really thirsty, due to the disgusting behavior of my throat right now, i cannot really enjoy water, something i really like and love to drink.

part of me wants to go to class, even though i probably couldn't handle it, for the pure fact that teachers punish you for being sick, they will fail you...even though they "encourage" you to take leave, they are unforgiving for it. and people wonder why so many get sick?

the flu

i have all the symptoms of the swine flu, except for vomiting. for all i know i could have a typical flu, or it could be the swine flu.

what is upsetting about this is, i cannot get help because i have no health insurance. i support universal healthcare for this very reason...its not fair that the poor suffer and not get their basic needs of medical survival on account of being poor.

Tell All books

I for the most part do not care for Tell All books, they are usually nothing more than slandering others...I mean, one should ask, is it our business to know famous peoples business??? Its bad enough celebrities let it be known their personal beliefs, things that really are none of our business. I mean we pay to see you act, sing, dance, or whatever!!! Do what your paid to do.

But I really don't like Tell All books...you see lots of kids (especially in the 80s) write tell all books about their famous Golden era parents...usually saying some of the meanest things.

And we have fallen in love with these celebrities' graceful images that we refuse to believe its true and criticize the authors of these books....

But as I have said in many different blogs that the problem is society idolizes these people beyond the point of allowing them to be human and capable of mistakes or evil.

I am thinking about Mommie Dearest. There was alot of criticism because of it, everyone was saying the daughter was wrong...but is she? was she? The thing is, we will never know. We can't tell someone that what may have happened in their life did not in fact happen.

We are all outsiders looking in. Mommie Dearest proved why we should just not do Tell All books. Its not our business. If we didnt glorify people like Crawford in the first place, then there would be no problems.

Uber clean can be just as annoying as uber messy.

The problem with dorms or sharing apartments for that matter, is you have different people with different cleaning styles.

There is always going to be that roommate who is a little messier than others...there is always going to be that roommate who is just too clean to be beared...and then there are those who fall in between.

as much as the messiest roommate can be annoying...the uber clean roommate is worse. Because of their need for clean, they often try to hold you to their standards of cleanliness...my philosophy is, do it yourself....

It is unnecessary to clean the same thing twice a week, especially when its not messy enough in the firs place. nor is it necessary to take the trash out twice a week, when its not quite full enough after the first round...why waste resources when you are on a budget????

Its like the person who volunteers to do something, and then gets mad cause others aren't. If you want something done to your standards, DO IT YOURSELF. I do things my way...if you don't like it that way, well, then you need to do it yourself, its your problem.

The reason many students and even teachers get sick...

I am getting sick...brought on either by running my fan at night or some other student came into contact with me while they were sick.

It is likely the latter...

both high school and college are set up to make it almost impossible to catch up.

In high school i went home alot during school, not feeling well and then getting full blown sick as soon as I got home...but then sophomore year came along and classes got too hard to miss...I refused to miss a day of school until senior year where my second semester load wasn't rough....I missed one day because I had to go to the hospital cause I wasn't feeling too well...

Today I only have one lecture class to go to...but even sick I will go, so I can get my notes...

Many of the professors because of the swine flu are encouraging students to stay home. One professor postponed his pop quiz for a later date because many people are getting sick...another professor who usually likes to give extra points in class decided he would just flat out give everyone points in order to not encourage sick people to go to class.

You see in a lecture class, often the professor will not teach by the book. Sure you can email and ask for notes from other students (like alot of people do), but the chances are they won't send them to you.

Many sick people these days are forced to go to school because the teachers who encourage you not to are not very forgiving if you miss a quiz or don't do your essay. Some are like email the essay or show up for class long enough to give me your essay...etc.

It will be my luck (I have bad luck) that my being sick gets worse in class....right now its hard to blow my nose cause it won't come out, but when I get to class, its gonna get stuffy and its gonna want to come out...

It sux that school now punishes you for taking care of yourself....

Whenever I get sick its gonna take weeks to recover...a simple cold usually takes me 3 weeks or more to fully recover. Colds, flus, fevers, usually leave me with horrible side effects....such as throat problems and weakness.....

I can't afford any doctor....

We all know the school system is screwed up...but its bad when students like me, have to go to class when they are sick just to keep from falling behind....My philosophy has always been, if I am not sick to the point of complete and utter weakness that I can't bear to move away from my bed, then I should go to school.

The only true working solution is to go back to the way teachers used to do it, and just excuse those students from those assignments rather than give them an extra load. I mean if its an assignment that doesn't have like an immediate due date, thats one thing. Like with essays, if you have a week to a month to do an essay then being absent once in that entire time line shouldn't really affect your ability to do your essay unless you were extremely sick to the point of not being able to move well or dizzinness or hospitalization.

But assignments with an immediate due date, like a worksheet...why not excuse them?

Seriously your opinion doesn't matter

There are these "obama polls" on facebook, where a bunch of lazy lowlife people create and answer polls about Obama...polls that have no effect other than to harness anger.

You see we are in an age where people are too lazy to do the work it takes to make themselves be heard. Seriously, these people believe answering "no" to the question Did Obama deserve the Nobel Peace Prize? is not going to make much of a difference. I doubt Obama goes online to see what morons have to say about him. The only reason he shouldn't have gotten the award was because it was based on proposals he wanted to do, proposals that are supposed to be in stark contrast to Bush, only problem is they are just proposals...him getting the award could be bad because it takes more than 4 years to undo the damage Bush did and it would be bad if he can't make his proposals happen because of stupidity going on in this world, especially in Amerikkka.

But these polls are stupid. It shows how lazy and useless people are. They have no life, and you know what, these are the same people who sit on high horses judging poor people and the president, when these poll makers and takers, can't even do anything more of value other than waste their life at a stupid Facebook Poll...but that is the republican party for you, a bunch of whiny lazy losers.

4 Things I can guarantee

1. I will die one day.
2. I am always going to be taxed.
3. Bad things are always going to happen to me.
4. I will never find love (or maybe I will find someone to I love, but they won't be returned).

I have yet to accept 1 and 3. 2, kinda goes unnoticed every now and then...but 4, I am growing closer and closer to accepting...what can you do about a hopeless situation? I know my situation more than anyone. I know the predicament I am in. Everyone wants to shrug it off and say I am imagining things, but I know I am not. I am 20, and never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, never been in love. I am always going to crush, but they are always going to reject me. Thats life. Some of us were meant to be single.

One's World

One could argue that one's world is their entire life. When you look at people who live to be old, and they feel lonely, you may say that this is their world their time, while the old person may say they belong to say the 1940s or something.

To me, one's world is their happiest point in life. For me its the 1990s, for old people it could be their childhood, teens, or adulthood.

When you look at celebrities who were apart of the Hollywood Golden Age, for them their world could be their Hollywood heyday, where all their friends are at.

Titanic is the perfect example of showing one's world. When Rose died, she goes back to Titanic, and reunites with Jack. Even though she had an adventure after Titanic, and settled down and had children, her heart and soul was with Titanic, it was her world.

One's world is the most important part of their life, or most detailed, or happiest part. It was a moment in their life that they always and often revert back to in despairing or lonely moments. Sometimes that time being over can bring loneliness, as the current time lets them down.

Yes they may be living, but they are not living in their world.

Movies are an escape.

Some may be surprised to know that the Hollywood of the 1930s became what it was because of the Great Depression...and that Hollywood, in a sense led the way for the Hollywood we have today. Back then in the 30s and 40s it was the Golden Era today it is the Blockbuster Era.

Movies became what they were in the 30s, as a means of mental escape for just a few hours. Because of the effects of the Depression, it gave people a chance to enjoy something in the gloomy world they had to live in. And even after the Depression ended, the effects of movies stayed.

To this day, movies are still an escape from this world. An escape from politics, war, violence, etc. It is sad when some people try to ruin that glory by involving those things in movies.

But the beauty is that one can (for the most part) choose the movies they will allow themselves to watch.