Remembering can be painful, but sometimes not being able to can hurt too

My mom had a total of 4 children, I am the youngest. One child, the second died as a stillborn. The oldest child (who was at least 15 years older than me, yeah my mom is old), died when i was around 3 or 4. This just leaves my sister (who is 3 years older than me) and myself.

I have the fewest memories of my eldest sister. My mom said I didn't even really know what was going on. The only thing about the funeral I remember is my mom falling down. The only thing about my sister that I actually remember is that she owned a deck of cards that were green with a gold outline on them.

People say that remembering someone who died is painful. No doubt about it, it hurts because the more time you have with them, the more you miss them.

But what annoys me is when people assume that because you don't remember much about the person, you are not going through any pain.

The tv show Full House often showed this. The character Michelle was only a baby when their mom was killed, it was pretty hard for her as she got older for 2 reasons:

1. she had no mom like all the other girls in her school
2. she has no memories of her mom.

Yes, having no memories can be bad too. Its painful sometimes not being able to remember much about a loved one because of your age. It hurts that people assume you wouldn't be suffering because you don't have much memories thus not much of a connection with the person.

But we deal with a different kind of pain. We have to deal with the fact that we didn't get to know them. Its painful when others can talk about their memories of someone and you have nothing.

You see, a little child who was too young to understand death then, ends up grieving later on in life. They too have to come to terms.

So never assume that because someone is small or little that they can't possibly be in pain for not having much memories or time with the person to form much of an attachment.

If disaster struck, who do you save the rich or the poor?

So I am watching Titanic, and it made me think about the idea that somehow rich peoples lives were more of value than the poor. Republican politicians and libertarian politicians sickingly actually believe this to be true.

God help us.

Why do you think I consider conservatives to be modern day Pharisees? They are greedy.

But to answer the question, I would say its best to save the poor. One person said you just save as many souls as you can save, with no bias to race, gender, age, finances and etc.

Hurricane Katrina showed us that we still value lives based on race and finances as the blacks who were the poorest were not being rescued on time.

In my opinion though, I would rather save a poor person who was generous, than a greedy rich person.

If the world were to end and only a few would live, I would rather the survivors be those who have everyday working skills rather than rich people who don't know how to work like the poor do.

One conservative in an article said that poor peoples lives were expendable, doling out the usual misconceptions about what it means to be poor. He pretty much said there was no value to their lives.

Now if a conservative Christian actually believes this kind of garbage he spouted, you have officially proven that you do not believe in God nor actually live by God.

You see, if they had it their way, and the poor were all gone, that would make the rich the new poor class. You need a poor class to create a rich class. If the poor didn't exist, who would do your work for you?

Rich people are not America, they do not run America. They need and depend on poor people to keep them rich.

Women and Children first

Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days of men being honorable. I liked the fact on the Titanic, it was women and children first.

I get disgusted by a man who puts himself before a woman.

Now of course I disagree with Titanic's murdering of the poor by locking them and thus trapping them.

Lack of women and children first only shows how selfish society has become in the last few years.

If the Earth is going to end, it needs to end SOON.

Also women should not be allowed to fight in combat nor should she be drafted. War is for men, NOT women!

I could never respect nor date or love a man that believes in killing women and letting them be tortured simply because they women wanted the right to be able to hold jobs and get the same pay for it.

I am very traditional, and only a little bit of an independent woman. I do not like all that feminazi crap, and I can't stand sexist women haters who believe in punishing women by making them take on men's roles all because they wanted equal pay and the ability to have jobs.

Also, children need their moms much more than their fathers. When a divorce happens, I agree, the child should automatically go to the mom. Who gives a crap what the dad wants?

In the end women went through centuries of hell all because of men, now men need to learn how to deal with it. They have been boasting how strong they are for so long...PROVE IT!

Why do people vote for people they abandon when they lose?

Case in point: John McCain and George Bush.

Towards the end Bush's 8 years, even Republicans kept saying enough is enough. Some hated him so much they called him a liberal.

When McCain came along, they were gung-ho! But when he started to lose and the Palin campaign came along to make him look bad, all of a sudden they were saying that McCain was a liberal, and he isn't a true Republican.

So I ask, why do people abandon someone simply when they are no loner winning, when before they were so gung-ho?

The answer is that they simply were voting for the what they thought was the "lesser of two evils". Now obviously Obama is the lesser of two evils (Palin is the devil's wife) but that is where the problem with politics lies.

People keep voting democrat and republican even when they say how they hate it. Don't blame the government when you are not willing to vote who you want in the first place.

It makes you and your party look very bad when you parade around someone and then when they lose you start bad mouthing them. I don't want someone in the Presidency for the wrong reasons. If your badmouthing shows how you really feel, then do yourself a favor and start voting for the one you would still defend even AFTER losing!

A Depressing Truth: For Every Happy person there is an Unhappy person

As hard as it is for happy people to believe, for every happy person there is, someone else is upset.

The cold truth is, one can't possibly be happy without someone else being unhappy. In fact one's happiness comes from the fact that the other person did not get a happy result.

Say you got a new digital camera. You are obviously happy you got it. But that means someone else did not get it, and therefore they are not unhappy.

Sure your argument would be "well they could always go to another store", but somebody..someone, out there will not being getting a camera.

Or how about when you get good grades but your friend does not?

The reality is that someone else has to be unhappy for you to be happy. You may not have to see it for yourself, or even know the person (but usually you do).

I like to call this phenomenon forced sacrificing because one is having to sacrifice their happiness for someone else, but its being forced.

A good example of this can be love. When you like a guy, but he goes for someone else, you are sacrificing forcibly your chance to have him. You have no choice but to give up your happiness which means the girl that gets your crush will be happy as will your crush.

The sucky thing about forced sacrificing is obviously that its forced. Essentially every time you are unhappy its out of force and someone else is enjoying the happiness that should belong to you.

At least admit you celebrate the consumer holiday

Even though Christmas is over, I can't help but say it annoys me when conservative Christians criticize everyone for celebrating Christmas in its consumer holiday aspect.

Why does this annoy me? Because they are doing it too!!! Cons think that going to church on Christmas or Christmas Eve, makes the difference in celebrating Christmas as a consumer holiday or as a religious holiday.

In the end, Christians still do presents, decorations, and many other Christmas consumer traditions. So they are just as guilty. True Christians do not celebrate Jesus' birthday by getting something or putting up things that have no relation to his birth.

There is nothing wrong with celebrating the consumer holiday, but admit to it rather than dress it up as a Christian thing and then chastise others for celebrating it in its consumer form.

This goes for all holidays.

The person who knows how to sew has it the best

I wish I could sew, as time consuming as it would be, the benefit to knowing how to sew means you can wear whatever you want in a way you would want it. You would be following your own rules.

Its hard to find 1950s style clothing out there, and there aren't many vintage type clothing stores to go t0.

If you knew how to sew, then you could make your own 1950s clothing, and best of all, you could choose your own fabric....

I wish I knew how to sew : (

Why the Bible should not be used politically

If you read my last post then you know I am strongly anti-conservative Christianity and am more pro-progressive Christianity.

The problem with the Bible is that if you look hard enough you can find any verse to support your argument.

People used it to support slavery, racism, sexism, and so much more.

People also used the bible to support abolitionism, interracial marriage, and much more.

How can this be? Well the Old and New testaments contradict each other. When Jesus died for our sins, the Old Test soon became invalid.

Because one could twist the Bible in their favor, the Bible should only be used to control one's own personal life and not control society itself. Everyone has their own interpretation of the Bible that is why you have so many rifts in the Christian movement....so who is right and who is wrong? That is why people should worry about their own relationship with the Lord rather than shove it down someone else's throat.

The Bible has no place in politics. I follow the progressive ideology that the Bible should be personal not political.

Why Conservatives are NOT true Christians

Conservative Christian is an oxymoron.

Conservatives are hateful, racist, sexist, ignorant, and just pure evil. They "God" they praise is Satan, not Jesus, not the Lord, not the real God.

Conservative Christians are those who have sold their souls to the devil, and use the Bible blasphemously.

They are hypocrites, two hour Christians.

The truth is, you can't even call these devil worshipers Christians.

I'd rather die a liberal Christian (those who are TRUE Christians) than ever sell my soul to the devil by becoming a conservative "Christian".

Liberal Christians emphasize a personal relationship with the Lord while conservative christians just want to stuff hatred down everyones throats and call it the Lord's teachings.

I do not trust conservatives one bit, they are evil people, and I am dead serious, I haven't met a good person yet who was conservative...its pretty much an oxymoron. Conservatives are against human rights, they are the white supremacist party that has a few token minorities so they can claim they aren't racist when they really are.

I was reading a Bible verse a little while ago that talked about how the Pharisees did not help the poor were very superficial and etc, and I couldn't help but liken the Pharisees to conservatives, I even wrote that in my Bible that conservatives are modern day Pharisees.

I am extremely and strongly anti-republican.

I am proud of the fact that I am not selling my soul to the Devil and am more of a Christian than some evil conservative will ever be!

The weird thing about my morals

I am against premarital sex, I am anti-smoking (very very anti-smoking), I am also a Prohibitionist aka a teetotaler aka anti-alcohol.

But even though I have these morals now and the decision not to do any of them, I am starting to think that when I was younger, in middle school and high school, were not so much morals but forced circumstances.

When you are not presented the opportunity to do something like drinking, its easy to be anti-drinking or smoking. Why? Because you are not being influenced.

We all know the teen years are most critical. Had I been social instead of anti-social in high school it is very well possible that my views would be completely different than they are now.

Yes, now at age 20, I KNOW that I want to be anti-smoking and anti-drinking. But at age 15 I think I would have been vulnerable enough to drink had I been encouraged or social enough and attended parties.

I have always kind of had a disdain for smoking, I could never stand the smell, but even I went through a period where I thought it looked cool.

I have tasted alcohol on two occasions before. Wine and beer. When I tried the beer I actually ran to get a cup of soda to get the horrible taste of beer out of my mouth. It was then at age 17, that I realized that I wasn't missing out at all and that I wanted no part of the alcohol craze everyone seems to have.

But I still can't help but think, had the influence to smoke or drink been there at the more impressionable ages of my life, would my view of such things be different than they are now?

Do you think our morals only become morals because we adapt to forced circumstances? Only is it later on do we find reasons to be anti-smoking or anti-alcohol.

Why I believe suicide is okay

I don't believe in psychiatry and all that mumbo jumbo. Psychiatrists and psychologists never listen to you.

The people who are against suicide irritate me. They are only against it because they would have to deal with the mess left behind. They would have to deal with the demons they hide away when the person was living. What I mean is that those who are against suicide are never there for you when you are living, but expect you to not kill yourself, not for your sake but for theirs.

Why else would they call someone suicidal selfish? But the reality is that those who are making them live for the sake of others are the ones who are really selfish. You want them to be miserable when they don't have to be.

I think its selfish to be against suicide and to expect people you know who have suicidal feelings to just deal with it and get over it. Most people who are against suicidal are usually a part of the problem of WHY people KILL themselves in the first place!!!!

People certainly don't like dealing with the aftermath of a suicide, because they know they were partly to blame for it happening...so why weren't you there when they were still alive? The thing is most people don't walk the walk they just talk the talk. They don't want to get their hands dirty by having to commit to helping someone and actually being there for them. They don't want that kind of a burden. They expect the suicidal person to deal with their misery on their own, and call them selfish for not thinking of others when they attempt to end their life. But the irony is that you were too selfish to help them and helped pushed them to the point of suicide!

The suicidal person is the last person being selfish. If you don't fucking want to feel guilty for their death, why not actually doing something proactive such as helping them out????

And when I say help them, I mean be there for them, not call the police and get them sent to a ward because you are too lazy to be there for them yourself.

I am a full supporter of suicide. I think its one's own right to take their life. As long as they don't take other peoples lives with them. I don't believe in making someone's life even worse by making them live for nothing.

Curiosity does kill the cat

Remember whatever your curious about, will end badly when you find the answer.

Curiosity rarely ever ends well.

Lost in Space...its a reality

The future of space is gloomy...budget cuts are affecting the direction NASA wants to take space travel. NASA hopes to not only one day go to the mars, but to return to the moon.

They have even made a model of the future space craft which is supposed to be a cross between the Apollo and the Shuttle. Its got a shape like the Apollo, but it can fit 4 to 6 people, and it may even possibly be reusable like the shuttle, plus it can land on both land and water. If all were to go as planned, it would debut around 2015.

Now here is the problem...America is not enthusiastic at all. The government is constantly making budget cuts (Challenger and Columbia both in part happened because of financial issues going on).

But we are in the age of skepticism and pessimism. We are overly critical and looking for the worst in everything. As a society we are too ignorant and unwilling to listen to new ideas.

America itself is just lost in space. People don't view space the way they did 40 years ago. Nowadays people just moan and groan about the uselessness of space. While people like me vie for the nostalgic days of space (space travel was the only thing to come out of the 1960s that was actually a positive and exciting thing that brought everyone together to watch at home).

America lost its gumption...some say it happened because NASA got too routine in space travel. Nobody cares for repeats. But history shows that when you start to see space travel as "routine" Apollo 13 (almost disaster), Challenger and Columbia happen.

Its sad really. Its sad that a bunch of skeptic anti-space travel people are capable of preventing us from going to Mars.

So far the first decade of America will be known for being bitter, ignorant, hateful and too skeptical.

When will America return to innocence, rather than trying to depress children early on with politics and the never ever happy news?

Understanding depression

Everyone has their bouts with depression, but most quickly come out of it. But people like myself have a particularly different case with depression.

Depression is a medical condition. Yet most people do not realize this. They assume we choose our feelings. They think its as easy as saying "yes I can" or "i am beautiful".

Its like schizophrenia in the sense that usually something in the environment has to trigger the condition and set it off.

The problem with medications is that if they work, you run the risk of dependency on them. Not necessarily addictions, but the problem of "what if I can no longer afford them?" Sometimes medication working can make things worse. If you could no longer afford the medication, it will plunge you into a very painful depression...the fact that the meds work and now you can't have them makes you feel worse than ever because NOW you know you can be happy.

People need to understand depression. They need to realize its very painful to live with and deal with. I have never had a support system in my entire life. No one ever listened to me nor cared for my struggles. I have always had to deal with depression on my own.

Its very hard to face the world by yourself. Its hard to get out of the bed. Sometimes the most simplest of things feels impossible for me to do because I am in such a current state of misery and emotional pain....

As I write this right now, I am in tears because I am in another depressed state.

I find my depressed states to be at their worst during the night. I am nocturnal, an insomniac.

So many people want to blame the victim for their own depression. The problem is that they are pushed into a painful world with no trustworthy, reliable support system to make their life easier to deal with.

Formerly depressed people often claim to understand what you are going through but often they will never provide you the support system that you need, usually because they are afraid of some kind of relapse or because like the majority of people out there, they just don't understand how to handle and deal with depressed people.

The thing is, you have to understand depression before you can figure out how to help someone. But one must realize each depressed person has their own individual needs.

The best thing you can do is to lend your ear and actually listen, instead of doling out useless advice (and believe me, most of it IS useless) and to stand strong against the depressed person efforts to shove you out.

In a sense we are kind of testing you (albeit unwittingly). We start to realize who is there for us when they are still with us at our most ugliest and worst states.

It helps not to criticize and blame the victim. No one wants to willingly be depressed.

But most important of all, do not and I mean DO NOT, tell the depressed person to snap out of it. Don't expect them to just all of a sudden become happy.

Clinically depressed people are not like normal depressed people who have occasional moments of sadness. Clinically depressed people are dealing with major and even severe pain. Living is very hard for them to do. We often think about suicide as the answer. We often spontaneously out of nowhere go into a long bout of depression, how long it lasts can vary.

When you don't understand what we depressed people go through, you often make things worse especially for us. If you don't understand it, then just shut up and walk away. Don't speak about what you seriously don't know about.

You Can Never Go Wrong with Gift Cards

Its kind of become normal in my family to give money to each other instead of buying a gift for Christmas. In my family, we prefer to buy our "wants" throughout the year rather than on birthdays and holidays....

Most people like getting actual gifts, such as clothing and jewelry.

But I personally do not.

I hate getting clothing because you run into 3 problems:

Wrong size
Wrong color
Wrong style

I prefer to look at gift giving from the aspect of getting the most of your money, rather than the sentiment of the thought that counts.

I mean if its one thing I have learned about people who buy you clothes for Christmas or Birthdays, is that they will often shop for you as if they were shopping for themselves. Meaning, they pick out items that they would like with absolutely no regard your opinion.

My aunt did this to me last year. Of course I had a chance to go to the store and pick out stuff for myself but I decided against it to go hang with my sister's friends. The problem is my aunt is Pentecostal, and therefore believes in the skirt wearing ideals. I don't despise skirts, but I mostly wear pants.

At the time of getting the skirt, I was put off but I have since started welcoming skirts into my wardrobe so it worked out.

But still, when you think about it like this, it makes you rethink the kind of stuff to buy someone:

When you go along with the view that its the thought that counts, you waste money buying something that the person may not even like. Ask yourself, do you really want to waste your money like that?

When you give the person money or a gift card, at least you know they will get something they enjoy...of course, it does show that you don't care enough to figure out the kind of things that person would want...but at least you are playing it safe though.

I guess it depends on the person you are buying for.

Gift Cards are better than money because it limits the person. If you bought a card to a clothing store, then you know its going towards that only.

I just don't think you can go wrong with them...I know I much prefer that to actual gifts these days.

The difference between minimum wage jobs and salary jobs

There is a reason people say minimum wage jobs should not be a career job...

Minimum wage is unpredictable. A boss can cut your hours however they want. My mom works minimum wage and its horrible what they do. Its amazing how legal it is to do that.

Its problematic when for years you get paid for 40 hours a week...then your boss cuts you down to where you would be lucky to pull 30 hours a week.

Minimum wage is unpredictable because your pay can change each time. Its hard to have things that you have to pay bills on when you don't know if you are going to get enough pay to cover it this time around.

With salary pay though, usually the pay stays the same on a similar schedule per month. Salary is definitely a higher pay than minimum.

But minimum wage does usually have one advantage over salary. At least with minimum your job ends when you clock out.

With salary pay 9 out of 10 your job never ends when you are done for the day. A nurse or doctor can always be called in. A teacher has to grade work, deal with lesson plans and etc. And so on...

There is a reason they get salary pay...because if they got paid minimum wage for a job that never truly ends, they may just actually get paid more.

But salary does have the benefit of not getting docked for one days absent unlike with minimum wage where one day of no work can make all the difference in your pay.

Disco

Sometimes I am glad to have been born in 1989. Mainly because you can walk around in 2009 liking disco music and not get shunned for it. Sure some people will give you a blank face, and at worst be shocked when you say that you don't listen to rap and do not know any of the singers they are speaking of....

It must have sucked for those who liked disco music in the 1970s, with the crazy rock fans who were so jealous that good music was replacing garbage that they had it destroyed.

I like 50s and 60s music...but when the British invasion happened, the rest of the 60s and the 70s began to suck. It was only by the graces of Disco was music saved.

I can barely name a rock song of the 70s that actually was good....but i could name a handful of disco songs that are great.

But I do think the disco dress style was horrible...but that isn't saying much since I despise the entire wardrobe of the 1970s (I much prefer the 1950s clean cut look).

I pretty much hate everything that the 1970s stand for....as much as I am for liberal ideology, I hated the demoralization of society....

But anyways, disco will always be better than rock.

My own movie grading system

How many people actually care what the critics have to say about a movie? I mean, as much as they try to make it sound like critiquing a movie is all rooted in professionalism, for the most part its just pure opinion based.

I usually say that the amount a movie makes is far more important than what some critic says....

But even then, should money matter???

I never watch award ceremonies...its not interesting...it annoys me when the lamest movies get awards and the best don't get recognized...I couldn't believe it when that bollywood movie got best picture...it had no qualities of a even a remotely average to good picture.

I tend to despise a movie when it gets overhyped...thats why I don't care for twilight or high school musical....people got carried away with sub par movies.

I have my own grading system for movies. Its a pretty simple system in fact. I determine a movie's greatness by how much I personally enjoyed it.

For me, a great movie is something I'd want to watch again, and would want to own. An average movie is something I'd want to watch again but not necessarily want or have to own....A bad movie is something I would never care to see ever again.

I watch movies for pure enjoyment, to get away from this depressing world...it angers some out there to be the type to watch movies only for entertainment. There are people who believe one should watch it for its cinematic magic.

I don't get why it matters with some people to only like movies that are successful.

Sometimes the best movies are those that are least popular financially and critically.

We all have our own opinions, so how about using them?

What interests you?

NASA and Titanic interest me....what interests you????

Selling Your Soul to the devil

I consider the republican party as the new version of the kkk and neo nazi party. To be a black person and to vote republican is pretty much selling your soul to the devil.

It would be like telling Hitler and his SS men, "hey! I am a Jew!!!" in plain view...or worse, being a Jew and supporting what hitler did (apparently there are some bozos out there like that).

There is this creep asian Michelle Malkin (essentially the asian version of ann coulter) who actually supports the japanese internment camps of wwII!!!!

the democrat party may have its racists, but at least its platform isn't strongly consistant of hypocrisy, hate (racism, sexism, any kind of ism), controlling peoples rights (such as religion, and other things), and denying people's rights (such as free speech) like the republican party.

i am not pro democrat per se, but I am very STRONGLY anti-republican. i'd rather die a liberal than a republican. I am not even a full on liberal, I am more moderate, but I will not vote republican or libertarian...I refuse to sell my soul to the devil.

Besides, true Christians would never vote Republican. I don't like republican's brand of "christianity" or "patriotism" (which is more like ethnic nationalism, meaning white nationalism).

My view on HD and Blu-ray

The most suckiest thing happened a few hours ago. The big tv in the living room of the apartment, has finally fried...after 10 years...

I had a feeling it was going to happen eventually...I mean for the last few months I kept wondering to myself, "what am I going to do if the tv stops working?"

Had this happened a few months back I would have lost it completely...I would have cried gotten angry and all that. Had this happened about a month ago, before my mom got the internet working again, I would have also been very angry.

But I didn't get angry, I actually just shrugged, felt annoyed that I would have to move the giganto tv somehow. Mom already had the internet going by then, and living on campus without a tv in my room (unlike everyone else) has kinda helped me get over having to have the tv constantly. Now I only watch it when I am at home.

Luckily there was still a small tv in my bedroom that I am hardly in, that I could plug into the cables in the living room....

Thankfully both televisions are Orion, so I didn't have to worry about finding that paper to change the code on the remote.

Unless this tv konks out too, we are stuck with it til mom can afford a new one. This means we are going to have to buy a flat screen or LCD tv since that is all they sell...

Its weird, with the old tv sets, they used to run like a hundred dollars for a good sized television, but now its like 200 dollars for just a small one.

Now what does this have to do with blu ray and HD? Well, the fact that my mom is going to be forced into having to buy a flat screen/lcd tv whenever she gets the chance, reminds me of how things like Blu ray and HD are taking over.

I hate being forced into keeping up with technology. I am a choices kind of person...when DVD was taking over, I was having issues with my vcr, so I hardly watched it. VHS tapes were getting damaged due to my not taking care of them. My aunt bought my mom and I a dvd player, and from then on out its been dvds in this house. It was made easier by buying a portable dvd player for christmas (which I no longer use), and then made even more easier by using a laptop/computer.

I hate blu-ray. I don't want it do to DVDs what DVD did to VHS. I mean, I am sure blu-ray quality is great and awesome, but personally I don't care to shell out 10 extra dollars for it.
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I don't care for any of that HD stuff and blu-ray stuff. I mean, it just feels like a waste, as soon as it becomes mainstream, technology will further advance to make something even better...

What annoys me is that stores and rental places only exclusively sell one version after the transition period of selling both. So you are FORCED into having to waste money on something you really don't care to have, simply so you can watch your movies.

This must be how people felt when color tv came in. Heck, my mom told me it wasn't until the 1970s she finally got to see color tv.

There is nothing wrong with society advancing technologically, as long as we give people the choice not to have to waste their money to conform to it.

Widescreen vs. Full Screen

I have to thank TCM for teaching me about the difference between widescreen and full screen.

I learned about a year ago something I never paid much attention to.

We all see on tv the screen turn black with a message before the movie starts saying "this movie has been formatted to fit your television".

I never quite understood what that meant...I always assumed they would take the movie and just make it the size for televisions without editing it at all.

Boy, was i wrong....

As it turns out, there is something called Pan and Scan.

In an attempt to make it formatted to fit your screen, they actually cut parts of a scene out, and just focus in on the more important parts. Most of us don't really notice it though because its not important.

Here are some examples of pan and scan.

Here is the TCM Pan and Scan video


I used to be crazy for full screen. I used to DESPISE widescreen version...but now I am starting to have an appreciation for it.

So thank you TCM for showing that short clip that was about Pan and Scan.

Maybe its because you took out the book readings for the final

I just found out that I got a B on my final. I officially have a B for that class. It was such a relief.

You see, we took 3 regular tests throughout the semester and then the final. Our teacher curves test scores because so many do so horribly (and yet he doesn't understand why).

I was very upset after my second test when I had put in more study time than the first test, but actually did 10 points worse. Now with the curves, I had still gotten a C just like the first one because the curve was slightly different...meaning, had I gotten the same points as the first test, the second test would have been a B instead of a C.

So in once sense, I lucked out...but in another sense, I didn't.

Anyways, the 3 tests are based on chapter readings (which are like 50 pages per chapter) and lecture notes. Now seriously, who reads the chapters?

The final though was based solely on the lectures.

Now the psych teacher says many students did better on the final...partly because he decided to do something he had never done before, he decided that if you did better on your final than you did on your other tests, then that is the score you will get for your grade for the class.

He admits that he makes his tests hard, but then he excuses it by saying "I can't help it".....

Now we students had a reason to study much more for this final...for starters we already know to study for a final, but now the grade incentive gave us reason to study.

As he was saying the scores for the class were better, he attributed it to studying hard.

But he forgot one detail...the fact that the final was only about the lectures.

Believe me this made a difference. It meant we didn't have to try and retain alot of reading and information. Because most of us do not read the book, we would have had to read it before the final, along with reading our notes...thats what causes us to do bad. We are trying to fight to retain too much information in such a short little time...besides, it would be a miracle if someone could read through all those hundreds of pages without falling asleep.

But either way, I am sooooooo glad I did not fail that class...I seriously had given up hope. I studied even harder for that 3rd test and managed to pull a B on that by just a few points...the curve was just like the second test....

Now I can focus my worry on philosophy class.

The First step in helping someone

There is a step that is VERY crucial for a gazillion reasons. This is the first step one should take in any situation really....but we are going to use helping someone as the example.

This step is called, LISTENING.

You may be laughing and thinking to yourself, "yeah I am sooo sure"

But you would be surprised at what listening can do.

Have you ever found yourself trying to talk about your problem to someone and the other person starts talking about themselves, or worse they start trying to minimize your problem and make you feel like a fool for rightfully being upset?

How about when your in a normal conversation and you find yourself fighting to talk? Always getting interrupted or having to compete to get what you say in because the other person can't shut up long enough?

Listening and hearing are different things. I hear you speaking, but I am not listening to anything you say. Pretty much sums up that difference.

Most of us will hear what others have to say, but won't actually listen to it.

When you are trying to help someone, listening to them instead of trying to talk can make a difference. Why?

• When you stop to listen, you may hear things that you would normally miss because you are too busy trying to talk.
• Sometimes a person can drop hints that they wouldn't be upfront about. You have to listen to pick up on them.
• Listening can be all that person needs...sometimes the difference between a good day or depressing angry day. Sometimes we just need to vent.
• If you plan to give out advice, if you don't listen you will not even remotely understand the situation and thus you will make it worse by minimizing the scale of it.
  

You could say that the problem is really worldwide. No one listens, thus we all are so busy being self absorbed and trying to be superior...we don't let others talk, we have to be the talkers.

I always say to only "speak of what YOU only know"...but also it would help if people took the time to just listen to others instead of always having to talk.

We all know our own love situation

I have never liked it when those who have found love try to equate their situation to yours. Just because you found it doesn't mean all will.

I have no intentions of finding love...I have a very very good control on that, and have no reason to fear the possibility of being in love and being loved back. I do not see it happening at all.

But, there is two ways to look at love...there is the realistic way and the unrealistic way.

Unrealistically, one could look at love in the way that everyone will find it, that there is someone for everyone out there. One can say to themselves, they just haven't found "the one" yet.

Realistically, one would look at their own record in love to determine their future in it. If you are in your 20s and you have never found love and no guy pays you any attention, then you would know more than someone who has been in love, about your own situation. You know very well that your future is bleak and that there is no use in being hopeful.

Usually one is never wrong about the future of the situation they are in...only in rare cases is one wrong.

common sense results

Harry Harlow used rhesus monkeys to experiment about isolation and nurture. His research changed the way children were treated.

Animal rights activists of today say what he did back in the 50s was unethical, and have said it was "common sense results".

Now my beef with that is, that if it were common sense results, there would be no need to experiment.

You see, its common sense today, because NOW we know better, because someone had to find the answer and spread it around.

All common sense is grounded in some kind of science which means it had to be discovered and become a part of mainstream society in order for it to gradually become common sense.

Good Laziness vs. Bad Laziness

So I was talking to this girl in the dining hall. We both had a shared mutual disdain for society. We both got on to the topic of laziness. Both of us professed being lazy and guilty as charged, yet as we discussed laziness, we discovered there is good laziness and then there is bad laziness.

Yeah all laziness is bad in some way or form.

But in a way laziness can help.

Two types of laziness:

Good: while bad in another way, its good in the sense that it helps kick a habit (albeit temporarily usually) that is often causing problems in your day to day life.

Bad: is your typical laziness...you don't want to put in the time or effort for anything.

This girl talked about how when her boyfriend doesn't have a car (he has bad luck with cars), he is too lazy to walk over to Walgreens to get a pack of cigarettes, so in the period he doesn't have a car on him, he quits smoking.

Another example is that one is less likely to overspend or waste money when they are too lazy to go places without a car.

That is how being lazy can benefit people. Of course it affects them negatively in other ways but thats not the issue at front at the moment.

But the bad laziness is that when you do have a car on you, you find yourself driving down the street to the store, something that may not even be more than a 5 or so minute walk.

I remember when my mom used to own a car, we would drive to Walgreens in my neighborhood, which is only about 3 or 4 buildings down from us (it used to be a block from us but they rebuilt it because they wanted to make it bigger and they had to move it).

It was like a 10 second drive, one would probably spend more time waiting to make the turn onto the street than they would actually driving to it.

But now that my mom no longer owns a car, its like a 3 to 5min walk (my mom is sick so it also takes her a little longer than most to make the walk).

We talked about how technology being the death of us just like cars have.

I mean just look at drive thrus at fast food joints, there is a like a long line and people get angry that you aren't going fast enough....they get mad that their gas is being wasted when it was themselves who choose to drive into a busy line. Meanwhile those who actually get off their asses and walk in, are forced to come second to those who decide to be lazy about how they want to get their food.

I Just Want to go Home

I just want to go home. So Wednesday is my last day for finals...I am in a deep depression at the moment...I have been wanting to cry but can't. I don't know if its stress because this final I have coming up is like completely impossible to pass (just like the regular tests during the year). Or if its because other peoples' winter breaks have begun.

Thats the sucky part about college. There is no unity in when winter break actually begins. Sure the official date is all the same but professors choose when they will administer the final, even though this week is the actual official week of finals.

I regret not spending tuesday packing and getting things in order so that after my final wednesday I could have headed on home.

At this point, I am looking at thursday. Being here right now has me in misery. I am not sure if its a compile of reasons or one isolated reason.

I am feeling:

• Overwhelmed by this upcoming "death" final (my nickname for it), because I am having anxiety over the issue, it could be affecting why I am feeling miserable.
• I am dreading the fact that I am once again going to be sleep deprived some sleep. Its possible that once I finish the final, staying here for one more night won't phase me as much since I will be able to sleep in Thursday before I head on out.
• I am jealous that others have begun their break.
• I am anticipating a break where I don't have to stress about school work (like I had to with Fall break).
  
• I am also growing more and more impatient about my When We Left Earth dvd set. Its already arrived at home (it came on Saturday, ahead of schedule). But I am getting antsy, I want to watch it sooooo much.

My depression was sparked by facebook...coincidentally I was just reading about depression in my psych book too. But I was looking at some of my sister's pics and friends, and thought about how she had replaced me as her sister a long time ago, and how I could never be accepted in her group of friends. Even though I have pretty much disowned her...there is still that void in me that has always been there ever since we were little.

It just got worse from there, my "want" to go home, all of a sudden felt like a longing "need" to go home.

The last few weeks in this dorm have been a nightmare and I could certainly use a break.

I am not sure how I will feel once I am done with the final. I know I am gonna want to go home no matter what, but the feeling that I have to get out of here or I am gonna lose my mind may go away once the stress of the death final is out of the way.

I hate it when people cover songs that just came out

Its one thing to cover a song that is like a decade or more old...but to cover a song that just came out like a year or less ago?

I find it to be disrespectful and more of an insult.

In this day and age, you have people remaking songs that have just come out themselves....its a disrespectful music industry.

People think having the opposite sex or people of a different genre do the song somehow makes it okay, but not really....I mean, why should the originator of the song have to compete with someone the song doesn't even belong to?

Whatever happened to having class and waiting at least 10 or so years to make a cover version of a song????

Introverts, Misanthropy, and being anti-social

Believe it or not there is a difference between the 3...I should know since I am all of them.

1. Introversion...is the polar opposite of extroversion. 75% of society is extroverted while only 25% are supposedly introverted. According to psychologists/scientists, we are born with the predisposition of being one of the two. That doesn't mean we can't adapt and change to the opposite, it just means by nature we are one of the two, and by default we will always return to that nature. Being introverted means you like to be alone, social situations make you feel awkward, and sometimes makes you feel like you are having an anxiety attack cause you are around people for too long. Extroverted people depend and thrive on being around others, they almost cannot bear to be alone, as many do not know how to be alone longer than for a few hours at most.

2. Anti-social, this is the next step above introversion. There are two types

• Type 1 is anti-social by choice, they just do not like to hang out with people, they don't like to go places, they usually do not get along well with others so they avoid being social.
• Type 2 usually has social anxiety and is scared to talk to others. They don't necessarily want to be anti-social, but that is how they become and are percieved because they do not know how to be social.

Both types are introverted but in different ways. Type 2 is the extreme version of introversion because they don't know how to be social, while Type 1 may not necessarily have problems with being social, while they often have trouble getting along with others, they may not have problems being social in general, but they choose not to be social as its just not their thing.

3. Misanthropy, is actually the extreme version of Type 1 anti-socialization. To be misanthropic means to be anti-humanity. One hates being around others so much, they usually have a deep hatred for everything that relates to people.The only thing that is higher than misanthropy is being a sociopath. Misanthropic people are not necessarily cold hearted or feelingless, they just do not like society and really want no part of it. Often misanthropy is a result of being hurt emotionally enough to a point that its scarred them horribly.

There are articles out there that talk about how introverts and the like are supposed to survive in this extroverted socializing world. My question is why? Why should WE have to conform? Their way is no more correct. I laugh whenever some loser says you need people in order to be happy...that is not true if your predisposition is introverted. Introverts find happiness without people.

Unhealthy for you

We all know that the key is moderation....

How many times have we heard that such and such is bad for you?

In fact it makes me want to ask, whats NOT unhealthy for you?

Whether or not you use moderation, everything is pretty much bad for humans....they must be since no one has yet to be able to live forever or at least for over 120 years (who would even want to?????).

But of course just because of that doesn't give us all the right to shove onto others unnecessary unhealthy behaviors...for example:

If you want to kill yourself with cigarettes thats your right, but i don't want to smell it.

The problem is that people tend to carry their bad habits into other peoples bubbles....don't share it, keep your bad habits to yourself.

inconsiderate roommates

i would rather commute at this point because my roommates are some of the most disrespectful people you could possibly meet.

It is the night before finals.

And what are 2 of my 3 roommates doing? They are loudly as usual playing Rock Band. No matter how many times I ask for them to keep it down they don't listen.

It angers me. The RA won't do anything about it.

I don't care if they want to fail their finals, but I shouldn't have to suffer because of it.

I mean these are some of the most fucking dumbest people to step foot on earth.

I wish they would use their brains. THIS IS FINALS WEEK YOU MORONIC LOSERS, INSTEAD OF PLAYING GAMES AND PREVENTING ME FROM STUDYING, GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND STUDY AND MAKE USE OF YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATIONS!!!!

one of these girls doesn't even go to class at all....why am i not surprised????

On top of that, they usually play until like 1:00 AM.

It costs to change your room...

This is a good example to the disadvantages of not being able to choose your roommates.

The movie just goes unwatched

I bought two raunchy movies in the past, that I have seen a gazillion times and thought were great.

But now I am questioning them.

The movies are Clerks II and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

I think I may be outgrowing the nature of those movies.

Have you ever bought some movies, loved them at the time, and then realize that they have been sitting there going untouched for the longest time?

I love comedy, but I am outgrowing some forms of comedy.

I am starting to go back to my childhood like roots and enjoy family comedies again. I dunno, I am just sick of the nature of movies like Clerks II. I am sick of movies that are supposed to parody real life or satrical films.

I am just done really.

The movie I am currently trying to save up for right now is Apollo 13, that is the kind of movie I am into at the moment.

I bought Twister and Catch Me if You Can and a few other movies recently like that.

I think I am ending that chapter of my life, that chapter of liking crazy teen/college comedies where the characters are getting drunk having sex and being a total dick-ass.

I am growing up and moving on....

Comprehension vs. Memorization

It wasn't until now, a week away from finals, that I finally realized exactly what makes my psych tests soo frickn hard.

Its not just the usual problems of not getting everything the professor says written down. Its not just the problems of not making sense of what he says (how good of a professor someone is is based on how they lecture).

But what makes his tests so hard is that they aren't about memorization as much as they are about comprehension.

Some of his questions are not exactly in the way he phrased things in lectures, they derive from it, meaning, you had to process and comprehend the mechanisms of the topic in order to correctly answer the question.

We all come from the high school way of testing, meaning just memorizing.

Some and myself included have always though memorizing included comprehension, but I just realized that it doesn't.

Comprehending and processing something is taking memorization a step further. With memorizing, you are just touching the surface of things.

But when you process and try to comprehend it, not only do you memorize the surface but you go deeper and find fuller understanding of how something works or is.

For instance, when it comes to classical conditioning, memorizing would be just to memorize what each part of classical conditioning is, and what each of those functions do.

But someone who wants to process, understand, and comprehend it will try to make sense of how it works, why it works, and try to understand its whole process.

I am realizing this is what makes college tests so hard, you have to process this stuff, actually try to understand it, not just memorize it.

Things I am Learning about Campus Living

In a sense, I am glad that I am living at a university very close to home, because I can hop on the light rail train, get on a bus and go home if I need to. The original choice of school that I was gonna go to last year was hours away...now I am thinking that I was being very irrational and silly about that. Maybe this is my silver lining.

But here are some things I am learning about living on campus:

1. Living with strangers is not so great if you are typically anti-social. I have 3 roommates, each of whom are stuck up. They often accuse me of things because lets face it, they can get away with it. I am the odd girl out, I stick out like a sore thumb. I am their perfect Fall Girl.
2. If you can live in your own dorm/apartment or have minimal roommates, GO FOR IT. The more roommates you have, the more drama.
3. I have learned lessons such as: Never take sides, it will work against you. You truly can't please others and its not worth trying since some people really don't want to be pleased because they don't like you. I have found that I need God. I have no one to really turn to and what I am going through in this dorm is pure hell.

Venting helps

Sometimes we are in situations where we have absolutely no control. It can be daunting and hard. Bottling up emotions can be painful because we all need to let it out.

But lets face it, it only feels good to vent, where there is someone on the receiving end to listen to it. When there is no one, and its just you yelling into air...or even typing in a blog, it doesn't alleviate any of the pain. In fact it just gets your anger broiling hot.

The disadvantage is that if you are a loner like me, you have no one to vent to.

Why private healthcare is against universal healthcare

I am a full supporter of universal healthcare, but I also believe it should all be by choice. One shouldn't have to take universal healthcare if they don't want or need it. One should be able to have private health care.

You see, the private HC industry doesn't want universal HC for one real reason...they'd actually have to make their HC plans more worth your while to keep your money.

Its like how an electric car would be a threat to the oil industry. Some businesses don't want competition because they know that everyone would go to the other side because of the horror stories and unnecessary expenses they have to pay for private insurance.

Lets face it, if they had to face real competition, they'd actually have to give you good deals to get you to come their way. Poor people who can't afford healtcare anyways are no loss to them in the first place.

We all know that there are going to be setbacks to universal health care...but its just unfair that the poor can't even seek help because its just to unbelievealby expensive.

If you can afford private healtcare all the power to you. But don't deny those a right to live or have healthy fulfilling lives just because they are poor. Remember...if everyone was rich...America could not possibly exist. There has to be a poor class...and well the poor obviously can't have what those with money do have.