I Just Want to go Home

I just want to go home. So Wednesday is my last day for finals...I am in a deep depression at the moment...I have been wanting to cry but can't. I don't know if its stress because this final I have coming up is like completely impossible to pass (just like the regular tests during the year). Or if its because other peoples' winter breaks have begun.

Thats the sucky part about college. There is no unity in when winter break actually begins. Sure the official date is all the same but professors choose when they will administer the final, even though this week is the actual official week of finals.

I regret not spending tuesday packing and getting things in order so that after my final wednesday I could have headed on home.

At this point, I am looking at thursday. Being here right now has me in misery. I am not sure if its a compile of reasons or one isolated reason.

I am feeling:

• Overwhelmed by this upcoming "death" final (my nickname for it), because I am having anxiety over the issue, it could be affecting why I am feeling miserable.
• I am dreading the fact that I am once again going to be sleep deprived some sleep. Its possible that once I finish the final, staying here for one more night won't phase me as much since I will be able to sleep in Thursday before I head on out.
• I am jealous that others have begun their break.
• I am anticipating a break where I don't have to stress about school work (like I had to with Fall break).
  
• I am also growing more and more impatient about my When We Left Earth dvd set. Its already arrived at home (it came on Saturday, ahead of schedule). But I am getting antsy, I want to watch it sooooo much.

My depression was sparked by facebook...coincidentally I was just reading about depression in my psych book too. But I was looking at some of my sister's pics and friends, and thought about how she had replaced me as her sister a long time ago, and how I could never be accepted in her group of friends. Even though I have pretty much disowned her...there is still that void in me that has always been there ever since we were little.

It just got worse from there, my "want" to go home, all of a sudden felt like a longing "need" to go home.

The last few weeks in this dorm have been a nightmare and I could certainly use a break.

I am not sure how I will feel once I am done with the final. I know I am gonna want to go home no matter what, but the feeling that I have to get out of here or I am gonna lose my mind may go away once the stress of the death final is out of the way.